Why Can't You See What I See?
by Imitation of Life
Summary: Sirius and Severus have to work together, and end up discovering more about each other than they'd ever thought. Not slash- yet. Read and review, please.
1. homework

Well, here we go. This is my first long Harry Potter fic. . . bear with me. Review and I'll LOVE you!  
  
Chapter 1   
  
"Remus, you need a girlfriend," Sirius remarked, sinking down into a plush armchair.  
"Why would you say that?"  
"You just DO."  
"No I don't."  
"Yes you DO. If you had a girlfriend, maybe you wouldn't be such an incredible dork all the time."  
"I'm not a dork!"  
"Are." James Potter poked his head around the doorframe. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Moony, but yes, you ARE a dork."  
"No I'm not! Aren't you supposed to be studying or something?"  
"Well, I WAS, but then I came out here because I decided that finding Lily and making out with her would be much more interesting than whatever I was doing at the moment."  
"Niiiiiice," Remus commented, grinning.  
"I thought so," James replied, dusting a bit of lint off his shoulder. "Well, I'm off. And if I'm gone a long time, don't even bother waiting up."  
"Don't worry," Sirius muttered, rolling his eyes. James grinned and bounded out of the room towards the girls' dormitories.  
"That right there," Remus explained, pointing his thumb at James, "is the EXACT reason I don't need a girlfriend."  
"What, bounding across a room looking like a retarded moose every time you think about macking on her?"  
"YES!"  
"But it would be so much fun to watch you," Sirius said, stretching out on the floor and giving up. "You know, it's only Tuesday, but I have SO much homework."  
"You've had homework all month," Remus said, frowning, and sliding off the couch to sit next to him. "What's that all about?"  
"I dunno, man," Sirius muttered, yanking a few textbooks out of his bookbag. "But I hate it. I wish I could have just ONE DAY without any homework."  
"Well here. Let me help you."  
"Thanks," Sirius said, looking at him and grinning. "You want to write my essay or do my research?"  
"What subjects do you have work in?"  
"History of Magic. Arithmancy. Potions. Transfiguration. Charms. Herbology. Astronomy-"  
"Wait. You have HERBOLOGY homework?"  
Sirius groaned and shook his head. "I KNOW. I never have Herbology homework, you know that?"  
"Yeah, no kidding," Remus said, taking the papers from him and looking at them. "I don't get it. How did you get all this?"  
"Lector and his goddamned remedial potions class."  
"What?"  
"Well, do you know when he makes me meet with him?"  
"No, when?"  
"The first twenty minutes of every class period!"  
"Why?" Remus demanded  
"I don't know. . . but I always miss the lesson, so I spend the rest of the period catching up and then I have to do all the classwork for homework. It SUCKS."  
Remus frowned. "What the hell? Why can't you meet with him after the regular school day?"  
"He won't let me! He just goes on about how 'I have things to do too, Mr. Black, and if you'd like anything at all, you'd better come at the assigned times'."  
"What an ass."  
"I know. So will you help me?"  
"Sure," Remus agreed resignedly, pulling a quill and a piece of parchment and beginning to scrawl. "I'm taking notes for you," he informed Sirius, "so that you don't have to turn in anything in my handwriting."  
"Thanks," Sirius repeated gratefully. "I don't know where I'd be without you."   
  
"What is he DOING up there?" James demanded to Remus the next day towards the end of Care of Magical Creatures. After arriving twenty minutes late on a pass, Sirius had been at the front of the room for the last half hour while the rest of the class worked on an assignment dealing with grindylows.  
"I dunno, but he's coming back," Remus observed. "He looks. . . slightly pissed."  
"Okay, I'm gonna lose my mind," Sirius muttered through gritted teeth when he reached Remus and James.  
"Why?"  
"You know that lab you guys were just working on?"  
"Yeah. . ."  
"I have to make up the whole damn thing because of course Kiljarney took an eternity to explain the lesson to me. So that's another half hour of Magical Creatures homework tonight. DAMMIT."  
  
"You've only got a couple more subjects to go," Remus said encouragingly. He and Sirius were in the Common Room, working on Sirius's homework. James was out with Lily and Peter was playing chess in the library with a Ravenclaw, so the two were left alone.  
"Yeah, but it's Potions," Sirius groaned. "And I hate Potions."  
Each boy worked on a different worksheet. Remus finished his first, then looked over Sirius's shoulder. "No," he corrected, trying to sound gentle and knowing his didn't, "oak root and wormwood make an aphrodisiac, not a sleeping draught."  
"Oh, whatever!" Sirius yelled. "When will I EVER have to know this?"  
"N.E.W.T.s next year," Remus reminded.  
"DAMN! I HATE those things!"  
"I know."  
Sirius sighed. "I'm sorry. I just. . . Potions makes me so damn mad sometimes."  
They worked in silence for a few minutes longer before Remus cleared his throat. "You know," he began a little shakily, then lost his nerve. "Never mind."  
"What?"  
"Nothing."  
"What?"  
Remus bit his lip. "This is going to sound really weird and I want you to give it a chance before you say no."  
"I will. . . what is it, Moony?"  
Remus swallowed and set down the assignment. "I was thinking," he began again. "If you got a tutor, you wouldn't have to go to Lector every day, and you wouldn't have to miss so many lessons. Then you wouldn't have as much homework every night AND you'd know your potions better. Follow?"  
"A tutor. . . like, a kid, right? Not a teacher?"  
"Right."  
"Remus, that's a GREAT idea! There's nothing weird about that! But I need someone. . . no offense, but you're not that great with potions. . ."  
"No, I know. . . but that's not who I was thinking about. THIS is the weird part, Sirius. You know who in our year is really, really good with potions?"  
"Uh. . . Lily?"  
"No."  
"Brad?"  
"No again."  
Sirius shrugged. "I give up. But I'm to the point where I'd take anyone if they'd help me with Potions."  
Remus swallowed. "I've never seen someone as good at potions as Severus is."  
"WHAT? You want me to get help with Potions from SNAPE?!"  
Remus threw his hands up. "Sirius, let's face it. You SUCK at Potions. And Lector's just about the worst teacher I've ever seen. You know how many times I've proved him wrong about something in a lesson?"  
"Well I-"  
"With him teaching you about stuff you're already bad at, there's no way you'll pass this semester without outside help. I can't give you that kind of help, and I don't know anyone else who can except Severus."  
"Severus? You're calling him SEVERUS!"  
Remus frowned. "Why wouldn't I?"  
"Since when are you on first name terms with SNAPE?!" Sirius demanded shrilly, his voice rising on the last word.  
"Since ever, I guess! I just don't like calling him by his last name all the time. He HAS a name, you know!"  
"Well, yes, but I don't think you should be able to be called by a name if you don't earn it."  
"Oh, and how does one earn the right to a name with you, Mr. Black?"  
"By acting like a normal, civil, functioning member of society!"  
"I can think of a few occasions when YOU haven't met your own standards!" Remus shouted back.  
"Why are you defending him, Moony? What has he EVER done for you except cause you misery?"  
"I'm not defending him personally. I'm defending every human's right to be treated like a PERSON! I am SO SICK of you treating everyone like they're beneath you!"  
"I don't treat everyone like they're beneath me! I know they're not! But you. . . every time you get on your little "holy and righteous" spiel it makes me want to pull my hair out! YOU'RE the one who acts like they're better than everyone else! Your head in a book all the time. . ."  
"Oh so now because I'm LITERATE I'm above everyone?"  
"Remus, shut the hell up!"  
"YOU shut up! I'm going upstairs. You do your own damn homework!"  
"I will the second you get your damned dirty hands off of it!"  
Remus half-shouted, half-grunted in loathing, threw the homework at his friend, and stormed up the stairs.  
"What the hell was that all about?" asked a third year named Kyle.  
"I don't know. I don't care," a disgusted Sirius replied. "So leave me the hell alone and mind your own business, kid."   
"WOW, is Lily a good kisser," James called dreamily when he floated into the common room an hour later. He stopped short when he saw Sirius. "Padfoot, are you STILL doing homework? I thought Remus was going to help you out."  
"Lupin can FUCK OFF and go to HELL," Sirius moaned. "Right now all I want is this damn Transfiguration homework done."  
"Jesus. I leave for a couple hours and the world falls apart."  
"Yeah yeah yeah. Check this worksheet for me."  
"This is all right," James remarked, eyes scanning the page quickly.  
"Are you sure?"  
"Have I ever been wrong about a Transfiguration question?"  
"No. Thank you."  
"You're welcome. Mind telling me just why Remus should go fuck himself?"  
"I said fuck OFF. If you're going to grill me, at least get your terms right."  
"Oh, excuse me. Mind telling me why he should fuck off?"  
Sirius sighed. "You wanna hear the stupidest thing in the world?"  
"Of course."  
"Well, he thinks I should get SNAPE to tutor me in Potions."  
"I was thinking something along those lines myself, I meant to mention it to you the other day, Padfoot, but I forgot. . . but back to the original topic. . . what are you fighting about again?"  
Sirius stared at his friend in horror. "Are you SERIOUS?"  
"No, but you are."  
Sirius stared at him for a few seconds. "Oh. I get it. Hilarious, James. Hifuckinglarious."  
James grinned. "Thank you." Then his eyes narrowed. "Wait. That's not what you're fighting over, is it?"  
"Kind of."  
"You're fighting because Remus is thinking of ways to help you pass the semester?"  
"Well. . . it's. . . it's SNAPE, dammit, and I just. . . he was being so RIGHTEOUS. . . and I couldn't stand it anymore. . . SNAPE! Doesn't that mean ANYTHING to you?"  
"I don't think it matters what it means to ME. I think it matters that to YOU Snape means passing the semester."  
"Why does everyone think that on my own I would fail?"  
"Because right now you've got an insane workload. It's not your fault," James added quickly, catching sight of the venom in his friend's eyes. He sighed. "Look, I'm sure Remus didn't do anything that he thought would upset you. He just wants the best for you. Like me," he added as a sort of afterthought. "You're under a lot of stress, and I don't really think you meant to take it out on him."  
"How the hell do you know who I meant to take my stress out on?"  
"I know a lot about you, Siri," James replied solemnly. "I've known you for too long to think that you're really as angry at Remus as you think you are."  
"Stop telling me what I'm thinking," Sirius said irritably.  
"Then tell me that I'm wrong."  
"You're wrong."  
"Tell me again. Look me in the eye and tell me that nothing I just said was correct."  
Sirius sighed. "No."  
"Why?"  
"Because you're right."  
"Aha!"  
"Shut up, Potter."  
"I'm like your therapist. I need to start charging you."  
"I'll pay you the second I actually ASK for you to go off on your touchy feely stuff."  
"I'm not touchy feely. I'm MENTALLY SOUND."  
"Oh. Excuse me." For the first time in over an hour, Sirius grinned.   
  
"Moony? You in there?" Sirius asked, gently rapping on the door to the boys' dormitories.  
"Sirius, if that's you I suggest you either get the hell out of here or prepare for the beating of your life."  
"For one thing, I'm not moving until you let me in. For another thing, you know you couldn't take me."  
Silence.  
'Like hell I'll let you in', Remus thought to himself on the other side of the door as he crossed the room and locked the door. 'What an arrogant pig.' He sighed and flopped down onto his bed, pulling a book close and deciding to read for the rest of the night. He drifted off around eleven.   
  
"Ugh," Remus muttered two hours later, sitting up in bed, holding his head. He'd been sleeping fitfully, and now the onset of a migraine was on his last nerve. "Ugh," he muttered again, realizing that he didn't know the charm to get rid of it.  
He turned a lamp on by his bed, blinded temporarily by the light. Slipping some slippers onto his feet, he unlocked the door and opened it. He stepped out and promptly tripped over something, falling to the floor like a rock.  
"AAH! What the hell. . . Oh my GOD, Sirius, you're STILL OUT HERE?"  
"I said I wasn't moving."  
"What the. . ." Remus sighed and then gave up, lying flat on the hallway on his back. "Sirius, I have a headache. . . please. . . I don't remember the charm. . ."  
"Cranius vitrolus," Sirius murmured softly, waving his wand.  
"Thank you."  
"You're welcome."  
"What the hell are you DOING here? I'm done arguing with you." The words were hostile, but Remus spoke them calmly, sounding almost placating.  
"I don't want to argue. I'm sorry for arguing with you."  
"You're sorry?"  
Sirius groaned. "I'm sorry."  
Remus's jaw dropped and he sat up. "The almighty Sirius Black is SORRY?"  
"You are making this very difficult. You have the head of a goat and the gods spit upon your image."  
"I accept your apology."  
"Thank you. I'm also slightly sorry that I said the gods spit upon your image."  
"What about the goat head part?"  
"Nope. Not sorry."  
Remus smiled and sank back to the floor. "Then I guess I'm sorry for the things I said, too. Kind of."  
"I talked to James," Sirius said softly. "He thinks the Snape. . . Severus. . . thing. . . would be a good idea."  
"All my ideas are good."  
"I know. I'm sorry."  
"God, why are you acting so bananalike?"  
"BANANALIKE?" Sirius demanded, looking a little affronted but at the same time looking like he wanted to laugh.  
"You know. Soft. Mushy. Yellow. Sweet."  
"Bananalike. Nice, Remmy. It's probably because I'm so tired. Rest assured that in the morning, you will not be able to pump anything like this from me without a torture chamber."  
"Even then I might not have much luck."  
"True," Sirius agreed, then dropped his head. "I'll talk to Sna- to Severus tomorrow."  
"Thank you."  
"You're welcome." On that note, the two boys in the hallway fell asleep. End of chapter 1 


	2. detention

Chapter 2   
"You go to your first Snapefest today," James observed the next Monday.  
  
Sirius grinned. "Um, Snapefest?"  
  
"Yes, that's what I'm going to call them. I think I like the word."  
  
"Snapefest."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Wow. Damn, do you need a life, Jamie."  
  
"Oh, shut up. So, you ready for tutoring?"  
  
"I guess so, if you can call knowing that you're going to be spending an hour a night with a greasy slimeball who hates you as much as you hate him 'ready'."  
  
"WOW. You are really optimistic about this, aren't you?"  
  
"That's me, always cheerful."  
  
"Padfoot, don't hurt him."  
  
"What?"  
  
"No hexing."  
  
"Eh. Don't worry, he's probably all loaded up with all these difficult anti-hex potions."  
  
"Was that a joke?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"It was a TERRIBLE joke. Don't ever say anything that stupid again."  
  
"Right."  
  
Remus poked his head in between their shoulders. "What are we talking about?"  
  
"How much we hate people who pop in in the middle of the conversation. Right, Siri? Don't you HATE that?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
Remus sniffed.  
  
"KIDDING, Remmy. Good God."  
  
"What are we talking about?"  
  
"The first Snapefest occurs tonight."  
  
"Um, Snapefest?"  
  
"Oh, shut up."  
  
  
"Hi," Sirius muttered later that night. He and Snape had agreed to meet in the library, and he was running about five minutes late. Much as he disliked Snape, he hated to be late for their first appointment. He slammed his books down on the table Snape had sat down at. "I'm sorry I'm late, I just. . ."  
  
Snape cut him off. "It's all right." He opened a Potions book and took out a worksheet. Sirius saw the word "Benchmarks" on the top in big bold letters. Snape studied it for a few seconds before scribbling some words down on a sheet of paper. After writing for about a minute, he shoved the paper over to Sirius.  
  
"Can you do this?"  
  
Sirius studied the paper. "Yes."  
  
"Good." Snape nodded. Then checked back on the sheet, took the paper back, and scribbled something else. "How about this?"  
  
"Uh, yeah."  
  
More writing. "And this?"  
  
"Uh. . . yeah. . ."  
  
Snape looked doubtful. "Do it for me, then."  
  
Sirius bit his lip, then pulled the paper back to him and grabbed a quill from his cloak. Two minutes later he gave the paper back to Snape, satisfied. But the other boy looked over it and shook his head.  
  
"No, Black. You have to find the potion's viscosity BEFORE you figure out how much asphodel to add. No WONDER you can't pull off an aphrodisiac. You've got your formulas all mixed up."  
  
"Really?"  
  
Snape sighed. "Black, have you been listening to Lector at ALL this year?"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
Snape stared.  
  
"Okay, no."  
  
"That's what I thought. We're going to have to begin at the beginning, aren't we?"  
  
"No!" Sirius replied defensively. He pointed to the top of the paper. "I can do that!"  
  
"Black, these are fifth year benchmarks."  
  
"Uh, are you kidding?"  
  
"Not at all. Now, if you want to pass your N.E.W.T.s next year, I suggest working very hard at this."  
  
Sirius looked at him defiantly. "I know."  
  
"Good. Now let's get started."  
  
  
Although both boys had agreed to end the study session at nine o'clock, nine thirty found them both still working hard.  
  
"Black. You have GOT to-"  
  
"I know, I know, calculate viscosity."  
  
"Well if you KNOW, why don't you DO it?"  
  
'He is so aggravating. He thinks he knows EVERYTHING! "Black, do this, Black, do that!" What an ASS!' Sirius resisted the urge to grunt and instead replied, "I don't know. I'll think next time."  
  
"Good. You better." 'He is so ignorant. It's like he doesn't want to learn anything. Why am I wasting my time?'  
  
Madam Pince came up behind them. "It is nine forty five. Students should be out of the library now."  
  
"All right," Sirius muttered. Snape mumbled an affirmative as well.  
  
"Thank you," Sirius grumbled, shoving his textbook into his bag, "for helping me with this." 'Yeah right. I'll thank you and mean it when hell freezes over.'  
  
"You're welcome." 'I'd rather be having a hernia.'  
  
"How was your first Snapefest?" James asked ten minutes later, when Sirius stumbled into the dorms.  
  
"Eh."  
  
"That good, huh?" Remus called from the bathroom. He poked his head around the wall, toothbrush in mouth. "Sounds good."  
  
"You wouldn't believe how goddamn OVERBEARING he is!" Sirius fumed. "I mean, sure, he knows his stuff, but he's just so pompous! It's like he's the only person in the whole world who can do potions! He thinks I'm the stupidest person in the entire world!"  
  
"Um, could that have anything to do with the fact that your only goal for the past six years has been to make him miserable?" Remus asked, rolling his eyes as he went back into the bathroom to spit.  
  
"Okay, that's not fair. It wasn't my ONLY goal, and-"  
  
"You're lucky he's doing this at all," Remus interrupted. "You don't think it's weird that he doesn't HATE you?"  
  
"Maybe one of them is pregnant with the other's child," James suggested from his bed, grinning. Sirius turned around to glare.  
  
"One, that's not even funny. Two, why in the world would that occur to you? Even if it were true, what is your obsession with male pregnancy?"  
  
"Hey, if my best MALE friend were pregnant, I'd be pretty damn fascinated."  
  
"You see what happens when he stays up late?" Remus demanded, jerking his thumb back at James and then glaring at him. "From now on, you're not allowed to stay up till Siri gets home!"  
  
"What? Why?!"  
  
"Because you're talking about male pregnancy! That's not right!"  
  
Sirius laughed. "You know what's great about hanging out with you, Jamie?"  
  
"No, what?"  
  
"Around you, even I feel smart."  
  
"AUGH!"  
  
  
The next morning, Gryffindors had Herbology first. And to the amazement of both James and Remus, five minutes into the class, Sirius sidled up between them and pulled out his textbook to take notes on the lecture Professor Sprout had just begun.  
  
"Why are you here?" Remus hissed.  
  
"Oh, nice, Moony. Good to see you, too."  
  
"You know what I meant! Why aren't you with Lector?"  
  
Sirius grinned proudly. "I showed him all the stuff I could do. He said to keep studying with Snape for another week without coming to him, and then he'll test how much I've learned in that week. If it's up to his standards, I never have to come to his little tutor-sessions again!"  
  
James clapped. "No more six hour long homework parties!"  
  
"Right!" Sirius stopped taking notes to do a little happy dance.  
  
Professor Sprout looked up in time to see the dance. "Black! There will be no mating dances in my classroom!"  
  
"I'm not MATING. I'm EXUBERANT."  
  
"You're exuberantly mating. How's that."  
  
"Deal- wait! No I'm not!"  
  
"Well then, Black, for the love of God and all that is holy, SIT DOWN!"  
  
"Yes ma'am."  
  
"Oh! She told you!" Remus hissed when Sirius sat down. "That was the funniest thing I've seen all day."  
  
"Shut up, Moony."  
  
"He's right," James added. "She thinks you were mating! Ha!" He laughed, then abruptly stopped. His eyes widened. "Who did she think you were mating WITH?"  
  
"You, probably," Remus whispered. "You two ARE perfect together."  
  
"Okay, what the hell?"  
  
"It's true. And believe me, I know gay couples."  
  
Sirius snorted. "You would."  
  
"And what was that supposed to mean?"  
  
"Think about it, Moony."  
  
"What the- oh! I get it! HEY!"  
  
"You're the most naïve-"  
  
"BLACK! Are you TRYING to get sent back to Lector?!"  
  
"No, ma'am!"  
  
Professor Sprout frowned. "Well then be quiet!"  
  
"Yes, ma'am."  
  
"Burn," James cackled under his breath.  
  
"Shut up, Prongs, you urchin."  
  
"Urchin? URCHIN? What the-"  
  
"BLACK! POTTER!" Sprout was beyond patience now; she was bellowing at the top of her voice. "AM I GOING TO HAVE TO SEW YOUR LIPS TOGETHER IN AN ATTEMPT TO SHUT YOU UP?"  
  
"Ma'am, I'm sorry, I-"  
  
"YOU WERE SORRY TEN MINUTES AGO!"  
  
"I'm-"  
  
"YOU ARE ON YOUR WAY DOWN TO PROFESSOR DUMBLEDORE'S OFFICE! BOTH OF YOU!"  
  
Remus snorted.  
  
"AS ARE YOU, MR. LUPIN!"  
  
"What?!"  
  
"YOU HEARD ME!"  
  
"Ha. Ha ha ha! Burn on the prefect!" Sirius exclaimed, grinning.  
  
Remus returned the grin. "Shut up."  
  
"ALL THREE OF YOU SHUT UP! KINDLY SPARE ME MORE OF YOUR BICKERING AND GO SEE PROFESSOR DUMBLEDORE!"  
  
"Yes ma'am," James said, exiting the room with Remus.  
  
"Sprout, darling, I still love you," Sirius cried, heading for the door.  
  
"OUT!" she shrieked, at the same time that Remus and James each grabbed a shoulder and yanked him out of the classroom.  
  
"I still love you?" Remus repeated, shaking his head. "Nice touch."  
  
"Thank you. I thought so."  
  
They walked down the hallway in silence until reaching Professor Dumbledore's office. James knocked.  
  
"Come in."  
  
The three boys stepped in, looking around. Dumbledore had the coolest office in the entire school- it was full of knick-knacks from all the places he'd visited. "You boys AGAIN? Who from now?"  
  
"Sprout."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I told her I loved her."  
  
Dumbledore frowned. "Before or after you got sent to me?"  
  
Sirius sighed. "After."  
  
"Well, what did you do?"  
  
"We talked," James responded truthfully.  
  
"How many times did she tell you to shut up?"  
  
"Three."  
  
"Merlin. You know I'll never be able to understand why you three haven't been kicked out?"  
  
"Albus, darling, that hurt but I still love you," Sirius exclaimed.  
  
Dumbledore put his head in his hands and laughed. "Is that what you did to poor Professor Sprout?"  
  
"Maybe. . ."  
  
"Well, honestly, Black. Are you actually wondering why you're here?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Back to class."  
  
Remus, James, and Sirius all stared. "Really?"  
  
"Really."  
  
"You're not going to. . ." Remus trailed off.  
  
Dumbledore grinned. "You will, of course, all be serving detentions with me tonight. Sirius, I'd say it's a good thing you will have significantly less homework."  
  
All three boys groaned.  
  
"Out! Get to class!"  
  
"Yes, sir."  
  
  
"And so you want to take it by the root and- oh no." Professor Sprout grimaced as she watched Sirius, James, and Remus slip into the room. "You're back ALREADY?"  
  
"I think as a teacher it should be your responsibility NOT to make me feel inferior to the rest of the world," Sirius told her.  
  
"I think as a student it should be your responsibility not to make me feel like getting stone drunk at the end of every class period I have you for. Now sit down before I do something we will both terribly regret."  
  
Sirius sat.  
  
For the rest of the period, all of the Marauders sat quietly and carefully copied down all the notes that were given.  
  
"I can't believe," Remus began, during the last minutes of class when everyone was packing up, "that I have a detention tonight."  
  
"How are you EVER going to get to be Head Boy?" James asked in mock concern.  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"You know," Sirius murmured, stroking his chin thoughtfully, "if Remmy became head boy, we could take his dorm room and use it for when we had girls."  
  
"You most certainly could not."  
  
"And why is that?"  
  
"Unless you wanted to. . . carry on your business AROUND me, you'd have to fund somewhere else."  
  
"You aren't any fun at all, Moony," Sirius grumbled, and threw a quill at him.  
  
  
  
"So, boys, you're here tonight because of misbehavior in Professor Sprout's class." Dumbledore peered over his half moon glasses to look at Sirius and James in particular, probably convinced that Remus was an accomplice. "I've contemplated this all day and come to the conclusion that your problem is this: you don't have any communication skills."  
  
"WHAT?! I-"  
  
"Black! Shut up! Anyway, as I was saying, this detention will be served learning to communicate effectively as a person, as opposed to grunting around as you were apparently doing today in poor Professor Sprout's class."  
  
James stared at him, dumbfounded. "You have GOT to be kidding me."  
  
"No, Mr. Potter, by the time you exit this room you will be a much more attentive listener and an overall more well-rounded person."  
  
  
  
" 'I feel because' statements. A very effective tool in communication. Remus, perhaps you'd like to give it a try?"  
  
"Not at all, sir."  
  
"James?"  
  
"Not a snowball's chance in hell. Sir."  
  
"Mr. Potter, I see that after we work on this basic building block, the next task shall be substitutes for profanity. Give me an 'I feel because' statement."  
  
"I feel like an idiot because I'm sitting here serving my detention by receiving therapy."  
  
Dumbledore smiled. "And I feel like an idiot giving it to you because you are quite possibly one of the most stubborn students I've ever had the pleasure of teaching. Sirius? A statement?"  
  
"No, sir."  
  
"Come on."  
  
"No!"  
  
"Please?"  
  
Sirius folded his arms. "I hate this."  
  
" 'I feel because'!"  
  
"I agree with James."  
  
"You three are impossible."  
  
  
  
"Now, who can give me a substitute in place of profanity?"  
  
"Fuck."  
  
Dumbledore steepled his fingers. "Potter, that IS profanity."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Really."  
  
James shook his head. "Wow."  
  
"This explains a LOT of your teacher reports," Dumbledore muttered, head in hands. "Can you other two give me a substitute?"  
  
Sirius grinned eagerly. "Holy cat nipples!"  
  
"Uh, Siri?" James began, laughing.  
  
"I'd almost prefer you said what the hell," Dumbledore replied, shaking his head. "I HATE it when I get you three for detention.  
  
Remus's jaw dropped in mock surprise. "You do? Holy cat nipples!"  
  
"Lupin!"  
  
"WHAT? Would you prefer I said what the fuck?"  
  
"NO! Try shuckie-darn!"  
  
"YOU don't even say that," Sirius said, shocked. "I'm not going to say anything that dorky!"  
  
"I feel because!"  
  
"I feel that that's a really stupid saying because. . . it's. . . weird."  
  
"Here." Dumbledore handed Sirius, James, and Remus pamphlets of parchment entitled "these are booklets of how to construct an effective 'I feel because' sentence."  
  
"What do we do with these?" Remus asked, dreading the answer.  
  
"Read them, and by the end of the night, we are going to be constructing sentences with ease!"  
  
Sirius stared, disgusted, at the pamphlet in his hands. "This is gay."  
  
Dumbledore's eyes flamed. "Sirius! What did you just call it?"  
  
"Um, gay?"  
  
"Unless you want another detention, you will be writing me an essay, to be handed in by the end of my class tomorrow. The essay will describe, in detail, exactly how you can justify calling this pamphlet gay."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Your essay will describe this pamphlet's sexual history, therefore proving to me that you were justified in calling this pamphlet gay. I want specific names of sexual partners, and, if at all possible, input of the pamphlet itself on how it feels about its sexuality."  
  
"You have GOT to be kidding me!"  
  
"No, I can assure you, I'm not."  
  
"WHY?"  
  
"Calling someone gay," Dumbledore began, "is a very ignorant and close-minded thing to do. Not only is it completely inconsiderate to anyone involved's feelings, but it takes something that is someone else's way of life and mocks it, making it out to be something derogatory. Black, I suggest making this a VERY high quality essay or you will be spending tomorrow with me as well. And if you DO earn another detention, guess what we'll be doing?"  
  
"Working on healthy communication?"  
  
"Correct!"  
  
"AAAH!"  
  
End of Chapter 2  
  
And so there you go. . . I've made a mockery of counselors and Positive Peer Influence and all that good stuff. Oh, I'm going to hell for sure.  
  
Review and I'll love you!  
  
PS- We'll get more into Sirius and Severus next chapter, I promise! 


	3. Feeling Warm and Fuzzy!

Chapter 3- In Which Sirius and Severus Achieve The Ability To Bond (But Sadly Enough Remain Painfully Straight)  
  
  
"So," Sirius muttered one evening, sitting in the library next to Snape. "How was your day?" It had been about three weeks since the tutoring had begun, but the awkwardness that had set in at first still hadn't gone away.  
  
"All right, I guess," the other boy replied dismissively.  
  
"Severus," Sirius asked, leaning back in his chair and displaying a rare moment of somberness, "are you happy?"  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"I asked you if you were happy."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because I'd like to know."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because I'm stalking you. Jesus Christ, Severus, it's just a question! Either answer it or don't!"  
  
"Okay. My answer is sometimes."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I am sometimes happy."  
  
"When are you happy? Whenever you're around me or in any classes you don't seem very happy."  
  
"I don't like school very much."  
  
"Are you happy during the summer?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because during the summer I'm alone. I don't have anyone to talk to."  
  
Sirius's eyes widened. "You LIKE that?"  
  
"Yes. I prefer to be alone."  
  
"WHY?"  
  
"What the hell is this, twenty questions?"  
  
"No, but. . . look, if you want me to stop talking, that's fine. We've got a lot of lesson ahead of us, and. . ."  
  
"I don't mind if you talk."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"I simply reserve the right not to answer."  
  
"Fair enough," Sirius commented thoughtfully. "Why do you like being alone?"  
  
"Because then I don't have to talk to anyone. No one can tell me what's wrong with me. I don't have to put up a front; I don't have to pretend to care."  
  
"Do you do that a lot?"  
  
"Do I do what a lot?"  
  
"Pretend to care."  
  
"Black, I would be more than willing to bet that every emotion you've ever seen me display has been pretend."  
  
"Even anger?"  
  
"Yes. Perhaps not frustration; that's real enough. But aside from that, everything is simply a game."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"It's much easier to hate than it is to love. And it's even easier to simply detach yourself than it is to hate."  
  
"So what you're saying is that you're the way you are because any other way of life would be too hard?" Sirius shook his head. "I don't believe that."  
  
"It isn't that it would be too hard. I could handle any type of emotion in the world, Black. It's simply that nothing in my entire life has ever made me feel strongly enough to CARE enough to make the effort."  
  
"So you could do it if you wanted to."  
  
"Of course."  
  
"I don't believe you."  
  
A faint look of surprise flitted across Snape's face. "Really."  
  
"Really. I don't think you could handle the emotional load."  
  
He snorted. "I hardly consider you and your petty affairs to be a 'load'."  
  
"That's because you've never dealt with it."  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
Sirius grinned triumphantly. "So you HAVE loved someone."  
  
"Everyone has, Black. I never said I'd never loved anyone. I simply said I choose not to anymore. It's really no wonder you're failing Potions; you seem to have no grasp of the real world."  
  
"I have plenty of 'grasp'. I could figure out any potion you threw at me, after all the work we've done. But you know. . ." he cocked his head, "I can't figure YOU out."  
  
"Why would you want to?"  
  
"I don't know. I've become interested in you."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"The way you live is, to me, simply amazing."  
  
"I don't understand."  
  
"You're almost my exact polar opposite. I've never met someone so unlike me in my entire life."  
  
"Why does that interest you at all?"  
  
"It doesn't. I'm interested in the fact that I find that type of person so easy to talk to."  
  
For the first time in the conversation, Snape's eyes widened and he seemed genuinely caught off guard. "You think I'm easy to talk to?"  
  
"Yes. I've never had a conversation like this with James."  
  
"What about Lupin? He seems like the type you'd run to."  
  
"Nah. He's got a girlfriend now."  
  
"I know." Snape's answers were getting slower. For a while, Sirius was afraid that he'd made him too shy to continue. "Michelle."  
  
"Yes. Do you like her?"  
  
Snape shrugged. "I don't know," he muttered finally. "I've never talked to her."  
  
"I thought you based friendship on looks alone."  
  
"Normally, I do," Snape replied thoughtfully. "But you know. . ." He shook his head. "Ever since you came along, Black," he continued, now softer than ever, "everything I look at seems to have changed."  
  
  
"Where's Sirius?" James asked curiously, looking around as she poked her head into the boys' bedroom. "He appears to be gone."  
Remus looked up and set down the book. "He's with Snape."  
"This whole time?"  
"Yeah. We don't know what they're doing; we think that one of them finally broke and killed and ate the other one."  
"God. Where did they GO?"  
"I don't know. Why, what's your rush to find Sirius?"  
"I dunno." He shrugged, grinned, and sat down next to Remus. "I wanted to play a game of Quidditch, but. . . ah well. I have homework. And that's what you're here for."  
"You really know what to say to boost a guy's self esteem, Jamie."  
"What can I say?"  
  
  
"Severus, I'm going to say something that's either going to make you feel slightly more human or make you hex me until I'm puking out my ass."  
  
Snape frowned. "What's that?"  
  
"Well. . . I mean, for six years I've really disliked you. For six years, you've been the bane of my existence and the sole target of every joke I've ever played. Let's face it, I HATED you."  
  
"You're right. This IS touching."  
  
Sirius grinned. "That's not what I was getting at."  
  
"Really? I was just beginning to feel warm and fuzzy."  
  
"What I was going to say is this: I really like you."  
  
Snape looked at the ground and said nothing.  
  
"Severus? Severus! I'm sorry, I didn't mean. . . I thought. . . I don't mean that I like you as anything more than a friend, I just. . . I wanted to. . . I'm sorry if I put you on the spot. . . look, forget I said anything." He sighed.  
  
"No. It's just that you're probably the first person who's ever stayed with me of his own will."  
  
"That's because I'm the only person who's ever gotten the chance to know the real you."  
  
"There is no "real me", Black. I'm just Snape. Greasy, bitter, angry, brooding Snape."  
  
"No. Well, I mean, you are all of those things. . . but that's not all you are."  
  
"And how do you know?"  
  
"Because I've been talking to you for hours every night for the past week. The guy I've been talking to is more than greasy and angry."  
  
"No. No he's not. And besides, everything that I am is an act anyway." He sighed, then pounded the wall next to them. "You know, sometimes I get sick of it."  
  
"You know, it doesn't have to be like that," Sirius whispered.  
  
Severus stood up, yelling now. "Yes it does! Don't you SEE, you infernally, WRETCHEDLY idiotic jerk-off?"  
  
"See WHAT?"  
  
"This is who I am!"  
  
"No it's not! This is who you're pretending to be!"  
  
"This is what I'm SUPPOSED to be! And it was all going fine until I started talking to you! In the past week, I've looked at myself in the mirror more times than I have this whole YEAR and said, 'Severus, who the hell are you?' I mean, Jesus, Black! Are you HAPPY now that you've compromised everything that I am?"  
  
"Yes! I'm happy that I've compromised everything that you THINK that you are! Now you can be the person that I KNOW you are!"  
  
"And who is that?"  
  
"Someone who's smart. Brilliant, even. Someone who cares enough to not let me fail, no matter how much of an ass I can be. And so much more than that."  
  
"Why do you care? I'm not even your friend!"  
  
"Yes you are!"  
  
"No I'm NOT! I am NOT your friend! I am your Potions tutor! That is ALL!"  
  
"You're so wrong, Severus," Sirius muttered, shaking his head. "I don't understand why you're making yourself be this shallow, isolated freak!"  
  
"I'm not shallow," Snape breathed through his teeth rapidly, "and for your information, isolation is the way I like to be." He scoffed and turned around, walking briskly and curtly over to the Slytherin dormitories.  
  
Sirius sighed, picked up his books and parchment, and headed back to his dorm as well.  
  
End of Chapter 3  
  
Review. . . I love you. . . please?  
  
This and the next chapter were originally one chapter, but it was too long to post, so I cut them in two. If I get like two reviews or something like that I'll post the next chapter. ("Review whore! REVIEW WHORE!") 


	4. aftermath

Chapter 4  
  
"How'd the lesson go?" James asked, slipping a pajama top over his head. Remus was still down in the Common Room, finishing up and essay, but James and Peter were there to grill Sirius on the entire evening.  
  
"Not well. At all."  
  
"Uh oh. Why?"  
  
"We didn't study the lesson at all."  
  
Peter snorted. "That's sometimes an issue, yes."  
  
"Well, it's not that, Pete," Sirius amended, going into the adjoined bathroom to get a glass of water. "We spent the whole time talking about him."  
  
James giggled. "I'm angry. I wear a lot of black. I hate the world. The End." He laughed again. "How many times did you have to repeat THAT to get through a whole hour and a half?"  
  
Sirius glared as he gulped down the water. "That's not quite it," he corrected, setting the empty glass down and crawling into his bed. "We talked a lot about WHY he is the way he is."  
  
James looked moderately interested as he climbed into his own bed. "And what did you learn?"  
  
Sirius sighed. "You know, he says that he likes being lonely. He says that everything is an act and that he doesn't really feel anything because he doesn't care enough to feel. But I know that's wrong."  
  
"How?"  
  
"Have you ever had a conversation with him?"  
  
"No. Not really, anyway."  
  
"He's just. . . he's so smart."  
  
"A lot of smart people are like that," Peter murmured.  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"They separate themselves from everybody. Purposeful isolation. It's weird, you know?"  
  
"Well, yes, but I don't think he really WANTS to be isolated."  
  
James frowned. "Then why would he act the way he does?"  
  
Sirius sighed. "I don't know. I wish I did. I want to help him."  
  
"You want to HELP him?"  
  
"Yes. Strange as this may sound. . . over the past few weeks, I've. . . he's my friend."  
  
"Are you HIS friend?" James asked softly.  
  
Sirius sighed again, rolled over, and turned off the lamp between their two beds. "I don't know," he said, softer than anything he'd said all night. "I really don't know."  
  
  
The next morning was a Friday. "I don't wanna get up," Sirius moaned from inside his bed.  
  
"You have to," Remus and James replied at the same time.  
  
"No I don't."  
  
"Yeah, you do."  
  
Remus cocked his head. "Sirius, why don't you want to get up?"  
  
"I don't know. I'm tired."  
  
"No you're not. You've been up for an hour, reading under the covers because you thought James and I couldn't see you."  
  
"And you've been WATCHING?"  
  
Remus shrugged. "Just in case you like died or something."  
  
"How would you have known? I wasn't even out of the covers!"  
  
"We were more listening for gurgling sounds indicating that you'd choked and died on your own drool."  
  
"NICE."  
  
"That's what friends are for," Remus replied. "Come on. If there's really something wrong I'll lie for you and say you're sick."  
  
Sirius raised his head from the covers, shocked. "Moony? The PREFECT? Would even CONSIDER lying for someone?"  
  
"If it's important enough."  
  
Sirius sighed and pushed back the blankets so that his head and neck were visible. "I don't want to see Snape today."  
  
"Back to calling him Snape?" Remus asked, coming to sit down at the foot of the bed.  
  
"They had some sort of falling-out last night," James said from the bathroom, straightening his tie. "What I don't get is, how can you have a falling out when you don't care in the first place?"  
  
"Well, that's the thing," Sirius said, replying to James's question but looking at Remus. "I think I might care about him. Sort of. A little. Maybe. In that 'I-care-but-I-really-don't-want-to' type way. Kind of."  
  
"Are you kidding?" Remus asked, having not heard the full story the night before.  
  
"No. I mean, it's not like a lifetime bond thing, but. . . let's just say I'm not going to tease him as much anymore."  
  
Remus closed his eyes thoughtfully. "Well what happened last night?"  
  
Sirius sighed. "I was a moron. I was a complete and total moron, and I'm wishing now that I'd take your advice sometimes and think before I speak."  
  
"Christ, what the hell did you SAY?" Remus demanded.  
  
James, slightly more interested now, came back into the bedroom, toothbrush in hand.  
  
"It wasn't so much what I said as how he reacted."  
  
Remus chuckled in exasperation. "Tell me what HAPPENED, dammit!"  
  
"Basically I told him that he was lonely and that I thought that he could be so much more than what he is now."  
  
"What did HE say?" Remus inquired, his interest now thoroughly peaked.  
  
"He got really mad at me and told me that everything he did was an act and then he told me that he wished he could be more, but then I guess his Snape-ness won out or he got shy or something, because he got even madder and told me that he was happy being alone and left the library."  
  
"Wow."  
  
"It was deep, man. I had to run through the entire conversation like three times in my head before I finally got it." He frowned. "In fact, I'm not sure that I get it all now."  
  
Remus watched his friend for a few seconds before making a decision. "I'm going to lie for you," he announced softly.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I'm a prefect; if I tell McGonagall that you're sick enough to stay in bed all day, you'll be able to without visiting the hospital wing."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"No problem. But you know you'll have to face him sometime."  
  
"I know. I just don't wanna do it today."  
  
Professor Lector looked over at his class critically. "Hmm," he muttered, more to himself than anyone else. "We're missing two." He squinted. "Who isn't here?"  
  
"Sirius Black, sir, and Andy McKenna." James spoke up.  
  
"Yes. Black. McKenna. Thank you. Split into your workgroups. Who's left partnerless?"  
  
Remus and Severus raised their hands, looked over at each other, and groaned. Professor Lector either ignored it or missed it altogether.  
  
"Very good; Lupin and Snape, you will work together."  
  
"Yes, sir," they both mumbled, and Remus headed over to Severus's desk.  
  
"Why isn't Sirius here today?" he asked, leaning over the desk.  
  
Remus looked up blankly, shocked at both the person asking the question and the manner of the question itself. Snape had asked it like a worried old friend. "Um, he wasn't doing so well when we woke up, so. . ."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Why what?" Remus asked, almost dropping his cauldron onto himself in amazement.  
  
"What's wrong with him."  
  
"We. . . we don't know. . . I. . ."  
  
"Will he want to come to get tutored tonight?"  
  
Remus raised his eyebrows. "I doubt it."  
  
"Ah." Snape looked down at the textbook. "We need more asphodel."  
  
"Okay," Remus replied quietly, reaching for another handful.  
  
"It's me, isn't it?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I'm the reason he's not here today, aren't I?"  
  
"Why on Earth would you assume that?"  
  
"Did he tell you what happened last night?"  
  
"No," Remus lied. "What happened?"  
  
"I got angry at him and walked out on him."  
  
"And now you feel bad?"  
  
"No. Hell no. I'm just wondering if that's why he's not here."  
  
"He didn't. . . he was too sick to talk when we left this morning." Remus frowned. 'Lying is bad, Remus. You are going to HELL.'  
  
"Oh. I see. Well then it obviously had nothing to do with me and I'm regretting bringing it up."  
  
"I'm really good at pretending that someone didn't just say something."  
  
"With friends like James and Sirius, you must be."  
  
Remus looked up and opened his mouth to retaliate, but he saw Snape smiling. It was then that he realized that Snape had called James "James". It was the first time he'd ever heard Snape call him something other than "Potter".  
  
"Watch it; you're thawing. Don't drip on me."  
  
"I am not THAWING, Lupin. I'm STATING."  
  
"You're thawing!"  
  
End of Chapter 4  
  
Oooh. . . he's thawing, guys. . . I should have chapter 5 up soon. Contrary to what you probably think now, I'm actually a very slow writer. In the past couple days I've been practically possessed, but I think it's wearing off. . . 


	5. there's confetti in your hair

Before I start this I'd like to say something:  
  
Nic15: Oh my GOD. . . I LOVE you.  
  
Chapter 5- In Which Remus Goes Mad Attempting A Party.  
  
  
"So you seriously want to throw a party?" James repeated, skeptically.  
  
"Yeah!" Remus exclaimed enthusiastically.  
  
"Uh, forgive me for being so. . . pedestrian. . . but I don't understand exactly what this will solve."  
  
"It will get Severus better acquainted with all the Gryffindors!"  
  
James raised an eyebrow. "Um, WHY?"  
  
Remus stood up, looking down at James, who was still in the bathtub. "To make him feel WELCOME, of course!"  
  
James looked just as confused as before. "But WHY?"  
  
Remus threw his hands up in despair. "You know NOTHING! You have NO social graces! I am SICK of talking to you!" He threw open the bathroom door.  
  
"Where are you going?" James called.  
  
"I'm going to go find Evans. She'll understand and she'll help me plan!"  
  
"Well I say the hell with you. . . WAIT! Lily?! You SON OF A BITCH! Let me come!"  
  
~~  
  
"It'll be GREAT!" Sirius was exclaiming in the library later that week. "Remus is organizing it! You're the guest of honor!"  
  
"Are you serious?"  
  
"Always have been!"  
  
Severus shook his head. "You're so lame."  
  
"Shut up! You have to come!"  
  
"Um, why?"  
  
"Guest of honor!"  
  
Severus folded his arms. "I'm not going."  
  
"WHY?"  
  
"I don't do dinner parties."  
  
"WHY?"  
  
"I'm SNAPE. I don't do parties."  
  
"WHY?"  
  
"Is your vocabulary always this monosyllabic?"  
  
"Yes! No! Come to the goddamned party!"  
  
"No."  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"WHAT is going on over here?" Madam Pince demanded, striding over, looking ready to issue detentions.  
  
"Uh, nothing," Sirius replied quickly.  
  
She glared. "Keep it that way."  
  
Severus watched her until she was out of earshot and then hissed, "I'm not going."  
  
"Yes you are!"  
  
"No I'm not."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I'm Snape. I belong in Slytherin. Sulking."  
  
"Yeah, but SEVERUS belongs in the Gryffindor Common Room next Saturday, engaging in dinner parties."  
  
"Black, shut up!"  
  
"No! I will DRAG you to this party!"  
  
Severus sighed. "Okay, okay, I give up and I'll come."  
  
"YES!"  
  
~~   
  
Sirius climbed through the portrait hole later that day, and before he was able to stand and take in the Common Room, he was assaulted by a dark blur that seemed to have the hyperactivity of a two-year-old on coke. "Did you get Severus to come to the party?!" the blur shrieked.  
  
"Moony, is that you?" he croaked.  
  
"YES! DID HE SAY YES?!"  
  
"Moony, I can't breathe. . . you're sitting on my neck. . ."  
  
"Tell me if he said yes, goddammit, or I swear to God, I'll start JUMPING!"  
  
"Yes! He said yes! Oh my GOD, get off me!"  
  
Remus jumped off, looking slightly sheepish. "Sorry. I get a little. . . passionate about these things."  
  
"Good God, Remus. I guess."  
  
"Okay, everything is almost ready," Remus remarked, ticking off items on his fingers. "I've arranged for the house elves to cater, I've gotten a decorating committee for the Common Room together, I've hired a band, I've- "  
  
"Remus. My God. The damn thing isn't for another week."  
  
"This will NOT be a failure! I have PLANNED and PLANNED, and there is no longer any possible way this can go wrong, unless YOU SCREW IT UP! Is this clear, Sirius Black?"  
  
"Um, yes. . . please, don't hurt me. . ."  
  
"You can bet I'll hurt you if you mess this up!"  
  
"Moony. Calm down and breathe. It is just a party. Repeat after me. It."  
  
"It."  
  
"Is just."  
  
"Is not just."  
  
"A party."  
  
"A party."  
  
"It is just a party."  
  
"It is not just a party! Imagine all the things that could go wrong!"  
  
"Like what."  
  
"Uh. . . all the things that normally go wrong during parties, of course."  
  
"Moony, what the hell. What are you planning on doing at this par-tay, anyway?"  
  
"Well, first I'm serving drinks, and then we'll all dance, and then we'll sit down and eat, and then we'll play pin the tail on the donkey."  
  
"What the hell?"  
  
"I was kidding about the last part."  
  
"Oh. Okay. Good."  
  
"Christ, Siri." Remus laughed, then exhaled heavily. "So don't mess this up."  
  
Sirius saluted. "I won't, Moony. You can count on me."  
  
~~  
  
"It's Saturday! Wake up!" Remus jumped onto James's bed. "Wake up!"  
  
James rolled over and put his watch hand over his face, both to tell the time and to shield himself from the oddly demanding being on his bed. "Moony. The party doesn't start for ten hours. GO BACK TO BED."  
  
"WAKE UP!" Remus cried, and pulled James by his feet out of bed.  
  
"Aaah!"  
  
"We must make this perfect for Severus!"  
  
"Uh, generally I function better when I'm awake."  
  
"Go take a shower! I'm waking up Sirius!"  
  
In spite of his fatigue, James sat up and laughed. "Ha! Good luck! You'll need it!" He crawled over to the bathroom, announced, "And if anyone thinks they're pulling me from this shower before a full hours is up, they're out of their bloody mind," and shut the door.  
  
"Sirius!" Remus shouted, not one to go back on his word.  
  
"Mmph! Leemeealone! Wasn't me!"  
  
"Get out of your dreamworld! It's time to PARTY!"  
  
"YEAH!" Sirius shot straight up, then looked around and sighed. "Oh wait. Damn. You mean that little dinner party thing."  
  
"Right!" Remus shrieked, grinning hysterically.  
  
"Um, are you okay?"  
  
"Gotta wake up Peter! Gotta wake up Peter!" Remus chanted feverishly, not seeming to have heard his friend as he headed for the fourth bed in the dorm.  
  
"This can't be happening," Sirius muttered, pinching himself just to be sure. "Ow. DAMN."  
  
"Peter!" Remus shouted, kneeling by the boy's neck. "GET UP!"  
  
Peter's eyes flew open. "Huh?"  
  
"The party starts in ten hours! You ready?"  
  
"You get the hell away from me before I catch your disease! No one wants you to talk anymore!"  
  
"You tell him, Wormtail," Sirius grunted from his bed. "And Moony, you LISTEN."  
  
"Sirius, did you get the party hats?" Remus demanded, hopping over to his dresser.  
  
"I got the party hats last WEEK, Moony. You were WITH me." Sirius glanced over at James's empty bed. "I see Prongs was the smart one and fled for the border."  
  
"Nope, I woke him up," Remus contradicted. "I got you all. . . I. . . will. . . rule. . . the. . . world. . ."  
  
"What is he ON?" Sirius mouthed to Peter, who covered his mouth to control a snicker.  
  
"He's showering now," Remus continued, pulling on a pair of thick wool socks, "but soon. . . soon you and all of Gryffindor Tower will be arranging party favors! HAHAHAHAHA. . . oh, I am BRILLIANT. . . "  
  
"And so exceedingly deranged," Peter commented dryly. "Moony, I'm thinking you need some serious psychiatric care."  
  
"Amen," Sirius agreed. He looked over at Remus again, who was by now cackling so hard that his glasses had slipped down the bridge of his nose. "What is WRONG with you?"  
  
"By the time we are done," Remus stated, again choosing to ignore Sirius's statement, "Severus will be so impressed with you that you could elope with him and then take him to Argentina to live in a tiny village where they worship cows after you pierce his nose and eyebrow and chain them to the piercings in your nose and eyebrow so that the two of you will never be apart. . . and he STILL wouldn't care because he'd be so damn impressed with your party!"  
  
Somewhere, off in the distance, a cricket chirped.  
  
Sirius stared.  
  
Peter stared.  
  
Finally, someone found a voice.  
  
"They don't worship cows in Argentina," Peter countered slowly. "They worship cows in INDIA."  
  
"WhatEVER! I don't CARE where they elope! All I care about is getting the party so right that neither one of them CARES that they're eloping!"  
  
"Okay, Moony, you just lost all your talking privileges for the entire day," Sirius commented lightly, climbing out of bed. "Peter, come on."  
  
"Where are we going?"  
  
"I don't know, but I vote that we lock Moony in here."  
  
"Agreed."  
  
~~  
  
And so it came to be that Peter and Sirius were down in the Great Hall, eating breakfast at five forty-five on a Saturday in their pajamas, accompanied by some of the earlier-rising teachers.  
  
"I'd inquire," Dumbledore stated, "except for the little voice inside my head that chants 'You don't want to know, you don't want to know' every time one of you four comes into my line of vision. I-"  
  
"I don't HAVE that voice," Professor McGonagall interrupted. "What in the WORLD are you two doing here?"  
  
"We think Remus finally snapped, ma'am," Sirius answered truthfully. "We seek only refuge."  
  
"Where's James?"  
  
"There are two theories as to that," Peter answered. "We think he's either in the shower or somewhere in Finland."  
  
"Nice," Dumbledore muttered. "Minerva, remind me again why these four have a separate dorm."  
  
"Does this have ANYTHING to do with the party that Lupin's been blithering on about for a week now?" Professor McGonagall asked, understanding dawning in her eyes.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"And this has driven Mr. Potter to Finland?" Dumbledore inquired, with some interest. "I may have to attend this party."  
  
Sirius put his head in his hands and prayed he was dreaming.  
  
~~  
  
"You," Remus directed, pointing to Sirius. "You go down to the Slytherin dorms and get Severus. And then we'll party!"  
  
Sirius frowned. " 'You!' " he yelled, impersonating his friend. " 'You go down to the hell of your school and fetch out the Satan!' " He shook his head. "Moony, review what you just ordered me to do and then tell me if it still makes sense."  
  
Remus shook his head in exasperation. "For one thing, all I'm asking you to do is go get him, not stay and camp out with them or anything. For another, MALFOY is the Satan of Hogwarts, not Severus. Severus is. . . is like. . . the Lucifer."  
  
"Lucifer IS Satan!" Sirius protested, but he got cut off.  
  
"Why are we arguing about this?" Remus roared. "You get down there and get Severus! Take your time, because we still need to set out all the food!" He stomped off to continue overseeing the preparations.  
  
"I can't believe this is happening," Sirius grumbled, looking at James. "You wanna come?"  
  
"Sure," James shrugged. "It's better than staying here with Mr. Totalitarian over there." He pointed at Remus, who was yelling at Peter because his deli platter wasn't quite symmetrical. "You know, I am quite afraid of him."  
  
~~  
  
"What is the PURPOSE of this party?" Severus demanded, exiting his Common Room with James and Sirius. "Uh, Black? Black? SIRIUS!" Sirius just stared ahead silently, eyes glazed.  
  
"I think he's still getting over being felt up by Malfoy," James whispered.  
  
"Lucius did not 'feel him up'!" Severus insisted. "He FELL INTO him."  
  
"Sure," Sirius muttered shakily. "That was the most frightening experience of my life."  
  
"I can't even tolerate you two for five minutes," Severus grumbled. "I don't know WHAT was going through my head when I agreed to come to this stupid thing. Besides, LUPIN'S throwing it. He's like the whitest of the white."  
  
James raised an eyebrow as he stared at Severus's milky, colorless skin. "Um. . ."  
  
"I meant INSIDE."  
  
"Oh."  
  
Suddenly Sirius laughed. "You don't think YOU'RE white inside, Sev?" he asked, coming out of his trance.  
  
"Do YOU think I'm white inside?" Severus demanded.  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
"Let's stop having this conversation," James muttered, head in hands. "I don't LIKE this conversation."  
  
"Agreed," Severus said sharply. "Thank you, Potter."  
  
~~  
  
"Are we ready?" Lupin asked, pacing in front of the row of Gryffindors like a drill sergeant. "Are we ready to give Mr. Snape the best party he's ever had in his entire life?"  
  
A few lifeless calls came up from the row.  
  
"I can't HEAR you!"  
  
"YES!" Peter shouted.  
  
"Anyone OTHER than Peter?"  
  
Lily looked down the row, sighed when she found everyone staring at the werewolf, and called, "I am!"  
  
"Me too," her best friend Charlotte called.  
  
"And me," a little first year screamed. "Those cheese platters I set up KICK ASS!"  
  
Remus rolled his eyes. "I'm going to repeat the question," he said slowly. "Answer together, please. Are we ready?"  
  
This time a deafening roar came from the row of Gryffindors.  
  
~~  
  
"How many staircases do you CLIMB?" Severus demanded, puffing his way up the last staircase. "Where the hell IS this Common Room?"  
  
"Right here," Sirius replied, pointing to the portrait of the Fat Lady.  
  
"I am NOT climbing through that."  
  
"Well then you're not coming to the party."  
  
"Deal," Severus said quickly, turning around.  
  
"You're climbing through!" James cried, grabbing Severus by an arm. "I don't care if I have to PUSH you! You are coming to the damn thing! I will NOT go through this much hell and NOT have you come to the party! DAMMIT! OOF! Good GOD are you heavy!" he added, having lifted the Slytherin up. "Get IN there!"  
  
The Fat Lady just stared. "Password?" she asked Sirius, watching James try to push Severus through the solid-as-a-rock portrait.  
  
"Cherry Ambience," Sirius replied, rolling his eyes.  
  
"Go IN, you son of a- OW! WHAT THE HELL?!" James shouted as the portrait swung open and he tumbled in with the Slytherin. He looked up to see all the Gryffindors staring silently at them.  
  
"And here we have," Lily Evans said, her voice cutting into the silence, "James Potter and Severus Snape tangled on the ground, panting. I can't be the only one here thinking what I'm thinking."  
  
"THIS IS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!" both boys cried at once.  
  
"He wouldn't fit," James explained. Lily's eyes widened.  
  
"Not like that!" Severus amended hastily. "I couldn't get in!"  
  
Lily looked over at Remus, back at the boys on the floor, up to Sirius, and covered her mouth to keep from laughing out loud.  
  
"Sirius," Remus spoke up, "you're no longer allowed to go get guests. Severus, it's okay, James jumps a lot of unsuspecting guys."  
  
James glared.  
  
"Two minutes and I'm regretting this," Severus muttered, pulling himself across the floor and away from James.  
  
"Well then have some cheese!" the first year who'd set up the cheese platter shouted.  
  
Severus looked up at her, and Remus swore he smiled. "Thank you,'' he said, and stood up, dusted himself off, and headed for the food table.  
  
~~  
  
"I don't LIKE parties, Sirius," Severus said, sipping some pumpkin juice. The two boys were sitting in the corner, watching everyone else dance, sing, and generally have a better time than they were having.  
  
"Why? I LOVE parties!"  
  
"Haven't you learned by now that we're different?"  
  
"Well of COURSE we're different! But don't you think that this is even just a LITTLE bit fun?"  
  
"Sort of. . . but Sirius, I can't dance."  
  
"You can't DANCE?" Sirius demanded, his mouth hanging open.  
  
"Nope. And I'm PROUD, too."  
  
"I think we might have to teach you."  
  
"What? No, no, you misunderstand. What I meant by 'I can't dance' was that I not only CAN'T dance, but I DON'T dance and I never WILL."  
  
"Bullshit. Everyone likes dancing."  
  
"Not me!"  
  
"Well you WILL."  
  
~~  
  
"I can't BELIEVE I'm doing this," Severus groaned, fifteen minutes later. "I can't BELIEVE you talked me into this."  
  
"Would you rather be dancing with Jamie? Peter, perhaps?"  
  
"No," Severus snarled back, "but I'd like it if you'd remove your hand from my waist."  
  
"Snape. Severus. SEV. This is how people slow-dance! How do you expect to get a girl if you can't even slow-dance?"  
  
"Uh. . ."  
  
"See, watch. Lily!" Sirius screamed. The redhead looked up.  
  
"What?" she replied, rather annoyed at the fact that she was right next to him and almost sure her eardrum had just shattered, and also at the fact that she was finally dancing with James, something she'd been waiting for all night.  
  
"Would you go out with James if he didn't know how to slow dance?"  
  
She scrutinized her dancing partner. "Hmm."  
  
"I mean, he doesn't have any other redeeming qualities, does he?"  
  
"None that I can think of off the top of my head. . ."  
  
"I RESENT this conversation."  
  
Lily waved a hand dismissively. "Shut up, Jamie, I'm looking for your redeeming qualities. Sirius, in answer to your question, no, I don't think I'd be going out with him if he couldn't slow dance."  
  
James's mouth hung open.  
  
"I'm kidding!"  
  
He smiled.  
  
"Maybe."  
  
He frowned, and they danced away.  
  
"See?" Sirius asked, looking back at Severus. "If you don't learn to slow dance, you'll never get a girl."  
  
"I don't want a girl."  
  
"What, you swing the other way?"  
  
Severus said nothing, only flushed.  
  
"Did you hear me? I asked you a question!"  
  
"I heard you."  
  
"Wha. . . oh. OH. OH!" But Sirius's hand stayed on Severus's waist.  
  
~~  
  
"What are your parents like?" Sirius asked. Four songs later and he was still dancing with Severus.  
  
"My mom's a violinist. She graduated from Lazarus University with a degree in music and healing. She used to play with the London Philharmonic, but when I was born, she quit. When I was in my second year, she decided it was time to go back, so now she plays in an orchestra again. This time she plays with wizards, though, instead of Muggles. She says she can reach a wider audience this way."  
  
"Cool," Sirius replied. "Sounds like you come from a classy family." He resisted the urge to inquire "What happened?" and instead asked, "What about your dad?"  
  
"He cans tuna in South Africa."  
  
"Oh." Okay, THAT'S what happened.  
  
"What about your parents?"  
  
Sirius made a face. "My father died when I was young. I hate my mother, so I spend all the time I can at Moony's."  
  
"Who the HELL is Moony?"  
  
"Oh. . . that's Remus," Sirius answered.  
  
"WHY do you call him Moony?"  
  
"Oh, he's a. . ." Sirius paled as he realized that he wasn't allowed to discuss what he was just going to tell Severus. "He. . . he moons people."  
  
"Lupin?!"  
  
"Yeah. . ."  
  
"Wow. . . I never would have pegged him as a. . ."  
  
"It's always the quiet ones," Sirius agreed, shaking his head.  
  
"Wow."  
  
~~  
  
"Well, it's two o'clock," Sirius commented. He and Severus were sitting on a couch in front of the fireplace of the Common Room. Most of the party guests had disappeared, leaving only Sirius, Severus, and Remus, who was reading in an armchair in the opposite corner.  
  
"Yeah," Severus agreed, checking his own watch. "It's late. . . I should be going."  
  
"Okay," Sirius said, not moving a muscle.  
  
"I had fun tonight."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Well, in a relative manner of speaking, yes. I had more fun than I thought."  
  
"You learned to dance," Sirius added softly.  
  
"I did."  
  
Sirius picked up a stray piece of blue crepe paper. "Look, confetti."  
  
"It's everywhere."  
  
Suddenly Sirius was hit with an uncontrollable urge to throw a handful at the other boy.  
  
"What was that for?"  
  
"Nothing. . . I just wanted to see what you looked like with confetti in your hair."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I don't know. You look good, though."  
  
"I look GOOD with various bits of colored paper in my hair?" Severus repeated in disbelief.  
  
"You look almost. . . cute."  
  
"Cute."  
  
"That's what I said."  
  
Severus checked his watch again, almost reluctantly. "Sirius, I've got to leave."  
  
"I know. Want me to walk you out?"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I want to."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I don't know. I just do."  
  
"All right."  
  
The two boys got up and headed to the Portrait. "Need help climbing through?" Sirius teased.  
  
"Not funny." Severus hopped through effortlessly, landing soundly on the other side. Sirius followed.  
  
"I know. I'm sorry."  
  
Severus shrugged. "Tomorrow's Sunday," he said. "Well, technically today. . . whatever, I guess. . ."  
  
"Okay, I know you're tutoring me, which makes you smarter than me, but I KNOW the days of the week, thank you very much."  
  
Severus grinned. "No. . . what I was going to say is that we normally meet in the library on Sundays. . ."  
  
"I know."  
  
"Are you still coming?"  
  
"Why wouldn't I?"  
  
"I don't know," replied the other boy. "I guess. . . I don't know. I'll see you then."  
  
"Tell me."  
  
"Tell you what?"  
  
"Why wouldn't I meet you?"  
  
"No reason."  
  
"Goddamn it, tell me!"  
  
"I just figured. . . nothing."  
  
Sirius grinned. "Are you really going to make me strangle you?"  
  
"You wouldn't. For one thing you COULDN'T, and for another, you don't have the nerve."  
  
"You don't know that. Now tell me! Why wouldn't I meet you?"  
  
"Are you incapable of dropping an issue?"  
  
"Call me curious."  
  
"Well, if you must know, I thought that perhaps after the "which way does Severus swing?" conversation, you wouldn't really want to be alone with me anymore."  
  
"No, I'm fine with that."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"If I wasn't fine, do you think I would have kept my hand on your waist? We were DANCING, remember?"  
  
"I dunno." Severus shrugged. "I figured maybe you thought it'd be awkward if you ruined the dance, or maybe you forgot about the hand, or. . ." He trailed off and looked at Sirius helplessly. "I didn't think it meant you didn't hate me."  
  
Sirius returned his gaze, looked down at his own hand, and, very slowly, brought it up to sit on Severus's waist.  
  
"I don't hate you, Sev."  
  
End of Chapter 5 


	6. since when?

Thank you to all the lovely reviewers! You are all wonderful!  
  
Nic15- You DO brighten my day!  
  
Alla- Snape IS pretty calm in this. . . after talking with a few of my Potterized friends for a few months about this, I have realized that I seem to have a very different view of Snape than everyone else. I always just kinda pictured him as a laid-back kind of guy who nonetheless hates the world with a passion. So that bleeds into my stories. I know that bugs a lot of people, and I'm sorry. . . : (  
  
And about the angst: you know, I actually cut angst OUT of this (!) because I didn't want to hit you guys over the head with it too early in. Now I guess I overdid it; ah, well. There's more chapters. I'll try and ANGST (that is SUCH a funny word!) in a few more chapters; I still think it's too early and that angst of the serious variety would seem unnatural.  
  
Thank you for bringing up meaningful points! In answer to your question about the Shrieking Shack, no, that hasn't happened yet. It will, though; I'm not one to mess with something as basic to canon as that.  
  
Heart, and thank you for reading (if you're still reading- I know this was too long an Author's Note),  
  
Caroline  
  
~~  
  
Chapter 6  
  
Around two thirty, Severus drifted into his Common Room, with every intention of flopping down onto the first armchair he found, curling up, and falling asleep there. That's why he was so shocked when he found. . .  
  
"Lucius!"  
  
"Where have you BEEN?" the blonde demanded. He was sitting in a chair, reading. When he saw Severus, he threw the book down and got up, swishing around layers and layers of black clothing as he did so. How dare Snape stay out that long without telling him where he'd been? If Black was involved, he silently vowed to himself, he'd kill both of them. In his own twisted way, he supposed, he did care for Severus, and he wasn't about to give him up to that slime, Black.  
  
"What?" Severus's head was spinning; hadn't Lucius said he was going to bed early tonight?  
  
"For the last FIVE HOURS, Snape! Where were you?"  
  
"Uh, studying?"  
  
"The hell you were!"  
  
"What does it matter to you, anyway?"  
  
"Just tell me where you were!"  
  
"No."  
  
Lucius looked like someone had just slapped him, but after a few seconds he recovered. "Why?" he asked dangerously. "What are you hiding?"  
  
"I'm not hiding anything, I just don't think I should have to tell you where I'm going all the time!"  
  
"Snape. We've known each other all our lives. You were NOT studying. You've got this weird look on your face like you died and went to heaven- which we ALL know isn't going to happen- and besides, I had someone check the library, because I KNEW you were going to give me that line when you got back. You weren't there. Now for the last time: WHERE WERE YOU?"  
  
But Severus had stopped listening after the first few sentences. "I have a look?"  
  
"Yes, you have a look." Lucius stopped. He scowled. "You met a GIRL, didn't you?"  
  
"No. Of course not."  
  
Lucius studied him. "Yes you DID. I KNOW that look."  
  
"No, apparently you don't know it as well as you thought, because I did not meet a girl."  
  
Lucius rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Seriously, where the hell were you?"  
  
"Out. I was out."  
  
"I'm not going to get anything more from you, am I?"  
  
"Nope. Probably not."  
  
Lucius sighed. "I guess anything's better than tutoring that Black snot. For a Pureblood, he's the trashiest piece of filth I've ever seen. I'd like to spit on him."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Suddenly sure he understood something, Lucius glanced at Severus out of the corner of his eye, gauging his reaction. "I'd like to crush his skull."  
  
Severus only nodded.  
  
"Like to take everyone he loves away from him and destroy them."  
  
"Why?" There it was. One word, and Lucius was sure he understood everything. From here on out, if he was right, Snape's life- and Black's, for that matter- was going to be HELL. Sheer, unadulterated hell, with all the special Malfoy garnishes.  
  
"Why what?" Lucius asked, his voice precariously soft.  
  
"Why do you hate him so much?"  
  
"LOOK at him!" Lucius replied spitefully, almost more disgusted with Snape's LACK of hate for Sirius than with Sirius's flaws themselves. "Good Merlin! He's a walking, talking representation of all things sickeningly perfect!"  
  
"What's wrong with him?"  
  
"Oh, don't get me STARTED. It's everything. It's the way he constantly messes with his hair, even though he knows it's probably perfect. The way he thinks he could get any girl he wants. The way he looks down at everybody like they're beneath him because he's so good and perfect! Screw him. I'm going to kill him."  
  
This time the reaction was unmistakable. Snape shook his head, almost confidently. "No you're not."  
  
"Snape, I want you to stop talking right now, unless you are directly responding to something I say to you."  
  
Severus looked up at him. Like a confused little rodent. Pathetic. Pathetic that this man was the closest thing to a friend Lucius had here.  
  
"I want you to tell me exactly what you think of Sirius Black."  
  
"He has. . . um, black hair. . . and his name is Black. . . now that's what you call ironic. Look, it's late, and I'm really-"  
  
"No. Tell me what you think of him."  
  
"I hate him. He's a little prick who's far too big for his britches. He doesn't have any concept of how the real world works, and I seriously regret the day I agreed to tutor him."  
  
"Why did you agree to tutor him?"  
  
"Only for the money. You know I don't have a job anymore."  
  
"You could have gotten money some other way. You're not that desperate, are you?"  
  
"I don't know. . .ever since I quit working at the ice cream place, it's been really hard to find work."  
  
"Bull shit. You tutor him because you enjoy his company."  
  
"For one thing," Snape shot back, his eyes flashing dangerously, "I am insulted that you would even think such a thing. For God's sake, he's a GRYFFINDOR! A pompous, arrogant, GRYFFINDOR! And for another, I don't see how this is any business of yours!"  
  
Lucius regarded him suspiciously for a few seconds. "It is my business," he answered finally, coldly, "because you are my friend. And as such, it is my duty to look after you, and make sure that you aren't associating with anyone you shouldn't be."  
  
"You aren't my father. You don't own me. You can't control me. I could have a fucking LOVE AFFAIR with Black, and for one thing you couldn't stop me, and for another thing, I wouldn't care what you thought at all." He shook his head, wishing he didn't sound like such a rash, immature teenage boy. Which was, he realized upon more reflection, exactly what he was.  
  
"No, I'm not your father, but I AM the person who's known you the longest. And if not the longest, certainly the best." Lucius dropped his voice, trying to sound soft and gentle. "Snape. . . Severus. . . can't you see that I only want to help you?"  
  
"What, by trying to rule my life on the pretense of false accusations?"  
  
"No one is trying to rule your life. I am trying to make sure that you stay away from Black. In the end, you will thank me."  
  
"I can take care of myself! I can decide for myself who I will associate with! I have already decided that Black is not one of those people, and I can defend myself from him on my own, thank you very much!" Snape's eyes flashed.  
  
"That's good to hear," Lucius replied appreciatively, but not because he believed him in the slightest. There was definitely something going on between Snape and Black, and he was prepared to go to war against the world to keep that from happening. But right now, he wanted to sleep. . . after all, it was now after three in the morning. So he let it go. "I'm going to go up to sleep. You coming?"  
  
"I don't know. . . I think I'm going to stay down here and think for a little while."  
  
Considering the possibility that he was wrong after all about Snape and Black, Lucius allowed his eyes to soften a little. After all, hadn't that been the look he'd had on his face for about a month after he'd met Narcissa? "There IS a girl, isn't there?" he asked, looking down at Snape sitting in a chair and staring at the wall.  
  
"No. No girl."  
  
Lucius smiled; that's exactly what he had said, too.  
  
~~  
  
Can it really be this wrong to not hate someone? Sirius is such a nice person, Severus thought to himself. So what if I like him a little bit?  
  
"I hate Sirius Black," he said out loud, just to see what the words sounded like. He hadn't said them, or any variation, since they'd started studying together a month ago.  
  
They didn't have the same bite, the same sting, as they'd had last month. He didn't get the same spiteful pleasure from affirming his hatred for the stupid git.  
  
//maybe because it's not true anymore//  
  
That didn't shock him, realizing that he didn't hate Sirius. He'd known that, he guessed, since long before he'd agreed to come to the party.  
  
That damned party. What was he thinking, coming to that? As if his world wasn't shaken up enough already, he had to go and get Sirius Black to put his hands on his waist not once but TWICE. Damn you, Sirius, damn you for making me have to go through this.  
  
Sirius. When had he gotten to calling him Sirius? He called him that when they were studying together, but that was just because hearing Black exclaim "Call me Sirius!" twenty-eight times a night got abrasive. When had he started calling him Sirius when he thought about him?  
  
When had he started thinking about him?  
  
He grunted in frustration; this was too much. Perhaps Sirius was right. Maybe the emotional load WAS too much for him. He blew out the candle next to him and stumbled up the staircases into the dormitories.  
  
~~  
  
"So," James said, nudging Sirius in the ribs, "I saw you and Sev outside. . . AND YOUR HAND WAS ON HIS WAIST! After that, I had to go, because Lily was dragging me over to meet some crackpot whose name I don't remember, but WHAT DID I MISS?"  
  
"You put your hand on his waist?" Peter repeated.  
  
"Aww!" Remus exclaimed.  
  
Sirius glared at him. "Moony, shut up. And for your information, James, you didn't miss ANYTHING. I was DEMONSTRATING something."  
  
Peter sniggered. "What were you demonstrating? Tell us, Padfoot."  
  
"Uh, the Heimlich Maneuver."  
  
"I don't think you're aware of the proper way to execute that, then," James commented, "because what I saw wouldn't help ME if I was choking."  
  
Remus rolled his eyes. "James, if you were choking, it's because you tried to swallow a hamburger whole or something stupid like that, and even the Heimlich wouldn't help you then. You're just stupid that way."  
  
"Thank you, Moony," Sirius agreed, nodding his head.  
  
"Come on, guys. We've got to pick stuff up," Remus said, gesturing to James and Remus and leaving Sirius alone.  
  
//all i did was touch his waist. is it that serious?//  
  
Sirius walked over to the window and sat on the sill. Looking up at the stars, he tried to count them, as he always did when life seemed too much for him.  
  
What was he thinking, touching Severus's waist like that? The guy probably hated him now. . . it was too much, too soon. They'd only had their first serious conversation a week ago, and now there was waist touching? That was like MOLESTATION in some countries.  
  
He shook his head and vowed never to touch Severus again. No matter now much he wanted to. Wait. . . since when had he wanted to touch Severus?  
  
//they're lovely tonight. god i hope i didn't mess things up with him. . . we were just starting to get along.//  
  
End of Chapter 6 


	7. dandruff

Chapter 7  
  
"Oh, Siri, man, you missed a wicked. . . oh. . . oh my. . . how. . . whaa. . ." Finally Remus settled for a simple "What the hell did you DO?"  
  
After receiving a detention for his tenth absence during Divination, Remus had announced that he would be up in the North Tower for two hours, scrubbing floors and crystal balls. James and Peter had then announced that they were going to Hogsmeade and would be back in an hour, but because of trouble he'd gotten into on his LAST visit to Hogsmeade, Sirius was no longer allowed in the village. So he'd stayed in the dormitories.  
  
"You were alone for an hour! MAX!" Remus screeched, circling Sirius, who was looking torn between being highly amused and being highly mortified. "Are you AWARE that you have to go out with that Barnes girl from Ravenclaw in like," he checked his watch, "eighteen minutes?"  
  
"I owled her and cancelled," Sirius explained, flustered. "We rescheduled for later on in the week."  
  
"Have James and Peter seen this?" Remus demanded. "My God, has anyone? I don't . . . I've never seen. . . good God. Whaa. . . why. . . WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?"  
  
Sirius pointed at his bright pink hair, exasperated. "You think I did this on PURPOSE?"  
  
"The thought crossed my mind, yes!"  
  
"Look, if I'd done this on purpose, I would have picked a MANLY color, like red or something. As it is, my hair is PINK, and I have spent the last forty-five minutes trying to wash it out!"  
  
"WHY? What were you trying to DO?"  
  
"I was TRYING an anti-dandruff spell!"  
  
"How could you POSSIBLY get THAT out of an anti-dandruff spell?"  
  
"Moony, you aren't helping AT ALL."  
  
"I don't see how I CAN help, man. Your hair is PINK. What am I going to do?"  
  
Sirius threw his hands up. "I don't know. . . aren't you supposed to be SMART?"  
  
"Sirius, your grades are just as good as mine."  
  
"Not in potions!"  
  
"What, you want me to whip up an I'm-An-Idiot-So-I-Dyed-My-Hair-Pink- Help-Me-Get-It-Out potion? I don't think so."  
  
"Well. . . go down to like Pomfrey or someone and get me a charm so that I don't have PINK FUCKING HAIR!"  
  
Remus covered his mouth with one hand.  
  
"And DON'T YOU LAUGH AT ME, YOU DIRTY LITTLE STREET PROSTITUTE!"  
  
"I'm GOING!" Remus replied, and left the room, but not before giggling into his hand again.  
  
"I SAW that!"  
  
~~  
  
"Any luck?" Sirius asked, poking his head around the door from the bathroom when he heard Remus's footsteps in the bedroom.  
  
"Yup. You're lucky."  
  
"Thank GOD."  
  
"If James had seen you, you never would have heard the end of it."  
  
"What do I do?" Sirius asked skeptically, analyzing the ominous- looking jar of bright green goop. "This is like what you find when you clean under my bed. I am very unwilling to put anything like this on any of my body parts."  
  
"Well, Flitwick gave me a note. . . hang on. . ." Remus fished a piece of crumpled parchment with smeared handwritten instructions from his pocket. "Um. . . okay, you're supposed to coat every single individual strand of hair with this. . . this goop. . . and then leave it in for half an hour and then rinse. With. . . oh. With cold water."  
  
"EVERY SINGLE STRAND??"  
  
"That part's underlined."  
  
"Oh, MAN."  
  
~~  
  
"Sirius, you want help?"  
  
"NO."  
  
"Look, I-"  
  
"I don't need your help."  
  
"Sirius, LOOK at you. You are COVERED in goop and there is VERY little on your hair."  
  
It was true. In an effort to cover "every strand", Sirius had decided to get his hands dirty, pardon the expression, and comb through his hair with goop-covered fingers. He kept scratching his face, though, and so it ended up all over him, and then he'd try to wipe it on his pants, which would make the mess worse. Sirius threw his hands up and sighed. "Moony, please help?"  
  
Remus put down his book ("Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and You") and went over to his friend. "How do you get yourself into these things?"  
  
"I just wanted to rid the world of my dandruff. . . I thought it was an honorable intention. . ."  
  
"Come over here. Sit down." Remus led Sirius over to the bed and they sat down together. "Give me that carton of gunk."  
  
"Thank you," Sirius murmured, handing the jar over.  
  
"No problem. It's almost fulfilling to crow over you, knowing that I am not only better than you, but the only hope you have at any semblance of normalcy."  
  
Sirius smiled. "You know, if it weren't for the fact that this is hot pink, it would actually be pretty cool."  
  
Remus smiled too. "Yeah, I know. Come here." Sirius scooted over. "Eeew. This stuff is RANCID."  
  
"Get every hair, Remmy."  
  
"Right."  
  
"You know, this is actually pretty relaxing," Sirius commented, closing his eyes.  
  
"Hey, don't lean on me; you're going to goop me. And then I'll have to kill you."  
  
"Seriously. It feels like I'm at one of those spa things Lily's always talking about."  
  
"I read an article in the Prophet the other day about "metrosexuals". You know what those are, Siri?"  
  
"No. . ."  
  
"That's okay. Suffice it to say that I suspect you might be one."  
  
"Is that like a gay person?"  
  
"Sorta."  
  
"Snape's gay." Out of the blue.  
  
Remus dropped the jar of hair goop onto the bedspread. "SHIT. Are you HAPPY now? This crap's EVERYWHERE." He frowned. "Besides, that's not even funny. That's GROSS."  
  
"It's TRUE!"  
  
Remus dipped his fingers into the gel and picked up another piece of Sirius's hair. "Really?" he asked, slathering more gunk onto the strands.  
  
"Yeah. He told me. When I had my hand on his waist."  
  
"RRRRRGH."  
  
"What? Everything okay, Moony?"  
  
"I'm just shocked and flustered at your complete lack of respect for other people. Social graces aren't your bag, are they?"  
  
"What? What are you talking about?"  
  
"You put your hand on his waist after he told you he's not straight?" Remus sighed and dipped his fingers into the glop again. "Sirius, let's think this through." He ran some more hair between his fingers.  
  
"Ow! You're pulling!"  
  
"Bull shit. You're being an ass."  
  
"Wha. . . where is this coming from?"  
  
"Sirius, I know you try and help people. I know you love the world, and I know in general you're a really nice person, but sometimes you just say and do the entirely wrong thing."  
  
Sirius frowned angrily. "Oh yeah? Like what?"  
  
"Shh, shh, relax." Remus reached down with his free hand and rubbed Sirius's shoulder. "Don't get angry."  
  
"I'm not mad. I just want to know why you think I don't have any social skills."  
  
"Siri, you put your hand on his waist twice in the same night, after he told you he was gay."  
  
"Well, that's not quite true. First I put my hand on his waist, then he told me, then I put my hand on his waist again."  
  
"That still leaves us with the problem of you putting your hand on his waist after he told you he's gay."  
  
Sirius sighed. "I didn't mean to insinuate anything."  
  
"Well what DID you mean?"  
  
"He asked me if I hated him. I didn't know what else to do."  
  
"There are other ways of letting people know you don't hate them." Remus rakes his fingers over Sirius's scalp, adding the finishing touches to his goop masterpiece. "Like coating every single hair with unidentifiable green crap after they dye their hair pink in an attempt to rid themselves of dandruff."  
  
"You're DONE?"  
  
"Yep. Go look in the mirror, Esmeralda."  
  
As if it was clockwork, right then, James and Peter burst into the room. "Look, Moony, we got you a bag of chocolate!" Remus grinned and his eyes lit up.  
  
"Oh, you guys are the best!"  
  
"Yeah, we know. And Sirius! Look! A. . . AHHH! HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE HELL IS ALL OVER YOUR HEAD?"  
  
"Well I was trying to get rid of dandruff and then I got pinked and then Flitiwck made me goop and now it's in my hair and I have to leave it in."  
  
"Dude, as glad as I am that you're finally addressing the dandruff thing. . ." Peter remarked, shaking his head, "there have GOT to be better ways of going about it."  
  
End of Chapter 7  
  
Okay, so I'm babysitting New Year's Eve, so I probably won't get another chapter up until the 2nd. It'll be a lot better than this piece of crap, though. I just figured that this chapter had to be written (just to express to you all how cluelessly I write Sirius). I'm sick, too, so I'm really not at my most humorousnessest. (WOW.)  
  
Heart,  
  
Caroline 


	8. friendship plans and cookies

Chapter 8  
  
"Look, Severus! A game plan!"  
  
"What are you TALKING about?"  
  
Sirius waved the sheet of paper. "A game plan! An agenda! A schedule!"  
  
"For what?" Severus set his bookbag down on the table in the library that Sirius had apparently been occupying for a little while now and pulled out a chair.  
  
"Our relationship."  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
"Ahem. Step One. Get to know each other."  
  
"What is this for?"  
  
"Step Two. Bond."  
  
"Like hell I'll bond with you!"  
  
"Oh, shut up, Sev. For one thing you already HAVE, and for another thing I know you love me. Step Three. Meet families. Except mine. Because mine sucks. So I can meet your family and then we can go to Tibet and meet monks in the time we would have met mine."  
  
"Sirius, what are you smoking? I don't understand. What is this FOR??"  
  
Sirius looked at him like a teacher looks at a particularly slow kindergartener. "If you're going to attempt something as important as a friendship, you need a plan of action."  
  
"Actually. . ."  
  
"And don't try and tell me we don't, either."  
  
"Okay, I know I'm not the most qualified person to speak on the subject, but I don't think you're supposed to plan friendships."  
  
"Sev, I really like you. When you're not being an ass. Which is, like, all the time. Which means I like you when we're completely alone and you've warmed up to me for like half an hour. That's bad. We need to increase friendship productivity."  
  
Severus snickered.  
  
"Are you LAUGHING at me?"  
  
"Oh, God, no. It's actually quite commonplace for people to come up to me and tell me that they'd like to be my friend and here's a schedule so that that can happen. Why would I laugh?"  
  
"You're mocking me, aren't you?"  
  
"I would never."  
  
"Right." Sirius glared suspiciously.  
  
"Look, Sirius, as far as I'm concerned, we are friends. Sort of. I don't need an agenda telling me how to go about this."  
  
Sirius sighed. "Well, apparently, I don't have any social skills, so I figured I'd make this easy on both of us."  
  
"Waving a plan of friendship in the air is not the trademark of one with excessive social skills."  
  
"Damn. And I thought I had it, too."  
  
Severus laughed again.  
  
"I think you might hit your laugh record soon."  
  
"Oh, shut up."  
  
"Hey, you wanna work with me on that Potions final project? Create your own potion, huh? Man, I'm gonna create a potion that'll kick Lector's ass. . . wanna do it?"  
  
His face fell. "I can't. . . I'm working. . . with Lucius. . ."  
  
"Oh." BASTARD! YOU STOLE MY GREASY-HAIRED SEMI FRIEND! Wait. . . okay, this is SAD.  
  
"Yeah. He's kind of a jerk, though, so. . ."  
  
Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Really? See, that's funny. I never would have noticed. He's just naturally the type that strikes you as the type to sell cookies and help old ladies cross the street."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Well then why do you hang out with him?"  
  
"I don't know. . . I've known him all my life."  
  
"That's the lamest excuse for anything I have ever heard in my entire life. It takes a LOT to impress me in the way of lame excuses."  
  
"So basically what you're saying is that you would be a better potions partner than Lucius."  
  
"I would be a better ANYTHING than Malfoy. I would be a better PET ROCK than Malfoy."  
  
"Uh, right."  
  
"Dude, I'm not kidding."  
  
"Don't EVER call me that again."  
  
"Dude, why not? Dude!"  
  
"You need to shut up."  
  
"Dude, why are you in such a bad mood? DUDE! That RHYMES!"  
  
"Black, you certainly are bizarre."  
  
"Did you just call me a MARKETPLACE?"  
  
"No. And I am not in a bad mood. I'm just. . . exasperated."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Sirius, I know this will sound foreign, but try not to get too overwhelmed: some of us actually have hard lives."  
  
"You don't."  
  
"How do YOU know?"  
  
"I can tell."  
  
"Well, I have a harder life than you."  
  
"Like how?"  
  
"Hey!" a passing kid in the library called. "Look! It's Slimy Snape! Black, what are you DOING? Trying to catch GONORRHEA?"  
  
"Like that," Severus replied calmly.  
  
"Ah."  
  
"You need a break, Sev."  
  
Severus stretched out in his chair. "You think?" he asked sarcastically.  
  
"We should take a vacation."  
  
"Uh, we?"  
  
"We should go camping."  
  
"Uh. . . ex-CUSE me?"  
  
"I'm a good camper."  
  
"I went camping once with Lucius and his family. . . it was horrible."  
  
"We've been through this. I'm better at stuff then Malfoy is."  
  
"Oh yeah. I'd forgotten. Well in that case, let's pack up and leave for Switzerland tomorrow."  
  
"Or maybe we should go rock climbing."  
  
"Sirius, is it normal for you to just spurt random thoughts like this?"  
  
"Oh yeah. Don't worry. I'm good."  
  
"I'm worrying. I can't help it."  
  
"We should make cookies."  
  
"Will you SHUT UP? You're supposed to be learning. Come on, let's get that textbook." Severus reached into Sirius's bag and pulled the book out. Then he looked up at Sirius and sighed when the look in his eyes made it very clear that he was not joking.  
  
"I can't learn. . . if I'm dead. . . and I can't be not dead. . . if I'm not living. . . and if I don't get some food soon, I'm gonna be not living. . . but I don't wanna eat it unless it's cookies. . . and normally I carry cookies around with me in case of stuff like this. . . but I happen to be out. . . and I can't go down to the kitchens because for at LEAST the next week they're gonna have house-elves down there checking to make sure visitors aren't me or Jamie because last week we managed to get drunk and pass out IN THE DAMN KITCHENS. . . which leaves us with only one option."  
  
Severus was staring. "Huh?"  
  
"We have to make our own cookies. Screw learning," he muttered, grabbing his textbook and shoving it into the bag. "Are you with me?"  
  
"I am SO confused. . ."  
  
"Just say 'Yes, Sirius, because you're brave and smart and my idol'."  
  
"THE HELL I WILL."  
  
"Well then just say yes."  
  
"Okay, I'm with you. But I don't. . . where are we going to make said cookies?"  
  
"There's a kitchen behind the Muggle Studies room for cases like these. The girls like to make stuff there. In fact, that's where a lot of our food at that party came from. Obviously it's a Muggle kitchen, but I think we'll be able to manage."  
  
"Really?" Severus asked, following Sirius as he positively ran out of the library and in the direction of the Muggle Studies room.  
  
"I would never lie to you about something as basic to life as cookie- making, Sev."  
  
~~  
  
"Sirius, have you ever MADE cookies?"  
  
"Never in my life. You?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"This should be interesting."  
  
~~  
  
"I don't WANT to make double-mocha-choco-white-fruit-chunk-triple- whatever-the-hell! I want to make NORMAL chocolate chip!"  
  
"Yeah, well you SUCK, so you're not allowed to pick."  
  
"Oh, mature, Sirius. Mature."  
  
"I'm known for that."  
  
~~  
  
"This can't be right. . ."  
  
"Sev, what are you trying to do?"  
  
"I'm trying to mix the dough!"  
  
"It might be just me, but I don't think you're supposed to use a baster for that."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Well, that's more of a sucking-it-in-then-blowing-it-out type utensil. As opposed to, say, a mixer."  
  
"But this works so perfectly. . . look at the creamy yet firm texture of my whipped mixture!"  
  
"Okay, man. You do whatever you want."  
  
~~  
  
"Aw, MAN, Sirius! What are you DOING?"  
  
"I am toasting the dough! How the hell do you think the cookies get made?"  
  
"NOT IN TOASTERS!"  
  
"Why not? Toasters are hot, they're little, and they're convenient."  
  
"How are you going to get it OUT?"  
  
"Uhh. . ."  
  
~~  
  
"Okay, you try the first one," Severus said, looking apprehensively at the flat little pancake-shaped desserts on the tray.  
  
"I don't WANT to. I'm afraid."  
  
"Oh, just do it," Severus snapped, trying to sound confident and hoping Sirius wouldn't call him on his bluff.  
  
"Why won't YOU try one?"  
  
"Because. . ."  
  
"Look, I know why. You know why. I just want to hear you SAY it."  
  
Severus sighed. "I'm not real open-minded," he muttered grudgingly.  
  
"THANK YOU."  
  
"Now that I've admitted my deep dark secret, I think it's only fair that you should have to try the first one."  
  
Sirius sighed and grabbed a "cookie". "Okay, here goes." He took a bite. "Oh! Yuck!"  
  
"Really?"  
  
"No. I'm kidding. Actually, they're pretty good."  
  
"Really?"  
  
Sirius held out the plate. "Try one."  
  
"I don't want to."  
  
"All this work?"  
  
Severus shrugged. "They don't look right."  
  
"They look fine. Now eat it, Mr. Finicky."  
  
Severus sighed, took a breath, and bit into a cookie.  
  
"What do you think?" Sirius asked, watching Severus almost anxiously.  
  
Severus shrugged and reluctantly sighed, "They ARE good."  
  
Sirius smiled. "See?"  
  
"You were right."  
  
"I'm ALWAYS right."  
  
"Sure, Sirius. Sure."  
  
"You know, Sev, we make a pretty good team."  
  
"Yeah yeah yeah."  
  
"I'm serious."  
  
Severus smiled. "I guess we do, don't we?"  
  
"It takes a SPECIAL kind of teamwork to produce great culinary masterpieces after mixing the dough with a baster and then attempting to toast it. You KNOW that, don't you?"  
  
"I never thought of it that way. . . wow. We ARE good!"  
  
Sirius smiled.  
  
~~  
  
Later that night, after deciding to actually get some studying done that night, Severus and Sirius were on the floor in the Muggle Studies room, papers and books spread everywhere. The two were writing an essay for Professor Lector on aphrodisiacs, scrambling to get it done by the due date of the next morning.  
  
Sirius's demeanor had completely changed. He was nervously chewing the end of a quill and sitting hunched over, staring down nervously at his piece of parchment, occasionally looking up to ask Severus a question.  
  
"Sirius? Are you all right?" Severus asked, concern edging his voice. He looked so pretty, sitting there, but also so sad. . . he had to help, somehow. Hang on, back up. . . he looked PRETTY?  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine, I just. . ." Sirius sighed and helplessly gestured to his paper.  
  
"Anything I can do?"  
  
Sirius let out a bark of a laugh. "Unless you want to write this for me. . ."  
  
Severus stared sympathetically. Potions had always come easily to him; he'd never had to struggle at it like his friend was so obviously doing. "Well, Sirius, you don't look very comfortable. . ."  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"Here." Severus stood up and went over to Sirius, sitting own next to him. He put his hand on the small of Sirius's back and used the other to guide his shoulders up until he was sitting up straight. "Is that better?"  
  
"Yes," Sirius replied in a strangled whisper. He didn't care at all for the way this was affecting him. . . Severus's hands were still on his shoulders. . . his breath was coming faster now. . .  
  
"Good." Now would be a good time to take your hands off his back, Severus thought to himself. But his hands seemed anchored to his back.  
  
"Severus. . ." Sirius murmured.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Rub my shoulders?" It was the last thing in the world Sirius had wanted to say, and the second the words were out he tensed apprehensively.  
  
By way of an answer, Severus placed both of his hands on both of Sirius's shoulders and kneaded. Seconds ticked by. . . minutes. . . and Black, his eyes closed, tiny sounds of gratitude and relief escaping him, shoulders moving under Severus's grasp, was looking quite. . . appealing.  
  
"Thank you," Sirius whispered, slinking away five minutes later when Severus took his hands away. He sat Indian style on the ground, no more than three inches away from Severus, thinking about how lovely his mouth was, and highly disturbed by both the fact itself, and the person these feelings of affection were radiating to.  
  
"Sirius," Severus murmured, just to get the other boy to look up. Before the other boy could reply, he darted in and captured his mouth in a kiss.  
  
End of Chapter 8  
  
I'm SORRY! I know I said it wasn't slash, but I had to. . . negative response earns a "just this once; Sev was confused", while positive response earns a "let's get it on, man!" Reviews in general earn hugs from me, and reviews to YOUR story!  
  
By the way, the whole "I'm not real open-minded" thing belongs to Darb Conley, the author of "Get Fuzzy", my favorite comic strip in the whole world. Go! Buy "Get Fuzzy" books!  
  
(but first, review. please?) 


	9. the bunny slippers make their debut

This chapter's been up for a while, but when I went to reread it, the first chunk of text was all smooshed, and then I realized that I had emailed that bit to myself when I went from my dad's to my mom's and I forgot to reformat the first chunk. So it ended up all smooshed and I was like "BAH!" (goats go bah; sheep go to heaven, goats go to hell; it was my way of telling my computer to go to hell. . . ). So sorry to any of you who suffered through that disgusting monotony, and thank you to those reading now!  
  
Chapter 9  
  
Severus gasped a little mid-kiss, as the weight of everything he was doing dawned on him. One of his hands was on the back of Sirius's head, pulling him closer- but when had that gotten there? Both disgusted and extremely proud of himself, he pulled away sharply from Sirius's face.  
  
Sirius's mouth never closed. It hung there, just open enough to look dazed, until he spoke. "You. . . you kissed me," he managed to gasp. With that, what seemed like an eternity's worth of emotions barraged him.   
  
//fear love hate affection disgust joy pride//   
  
"Very good, Sirius," Severus replied dryly. Oh God, stay composed. . . stay composed. . .   
  
Of course, he WOULD be sarcastic at a time like this, Sirius thought. Well, if he can stay calm, so can I. "You just. . . caught me off guard."   
  
Severus grinned slightly. "Generally, Sirius, when someone kisses you, you owe them something more than a 'you caught me off guard'."   
  
"Owe?"   
  
"Yes. When someone kisses you for the first time, they're putting all they have on the line. They're so overcome with affection for you that they can't hold it in anymore, so they risk everything they've built with you to let you know that they might like you. . . er. . . differently than you like them."   
  
"Is that what you just did?" Sirius asked softly.   
  
"To be honest with you, I don't know. I have very little experience in love and stuff-"   
  
"Love and stuff. Nice."   
  
"- and so I don't always know how to express what I'm feeling. I don't know if that was a mistake or not."   
  
Sirius gazed at him soulfully. "Did it FEEL like a mistake?"   
  
Without warning, Severus yanked Sirius even closer to him and kissed him again. This time, there was no gasping, Severus felt no disgust. In fact, it felt right. . . incredibly, unbelievably right.   
  
"No," Severus whispered into Sirius's ear, sort of regretting the decision to take his mouth away from Sirius's. "Not a mistake." He looked at the other boy and saw a Sirius he'd never seen before.   
  
Sirius was looking very dazed. His lips were flushed pink, and his eyes were half- lidded. He did, however, look very, very, happy. . . or that might have just been Severus, desperately trying to convince himself that he was interpreting right.   
  
"Sirius," he asked quietly, "what do you think? Mistake? Or do we go on?"   
  
Sirius stared at the man in front of him. Pale skin, unearthly, perhaps, but flawless. In sharp contrast, black hair that had been washed today as a result of a bet involving Sirius passing a Potions exam. "You should know," he began hoarsely, "that I have had no less than seventeen girlfriends this year. You should know that none of the aforementioned girlfriends dated me for more than two weeks. You should know," he continued, not letting Severus get a word in, "that I have a tendency to be insensitive and not know it when I'm close to someone. You should know that I have little or no respect for sexual boundaries, and that every person I've ever dated has had to fight me off at least three times. You should know that I am a complete pain in the ass in the morning, late at night, and through all of most Thursdays. You should know-"   
  
"Okay, hang on. Sirius, you're ALWAYS a pain in the ass." Severus smiled at him. "Are you finished?"   
  
"No, not yet. . ." Sirius shook his head.   
  
"There's MORE?"   
  
"Only one more really important one," Sirius laughed.   
  
"What's that?"   
  
Sirius scooted closer. "I have been attracted to you for approximately the last six weeks." Okay, it's out; there goes your last chance to play this off as an "I'm kidding" moment.   
  
Considering closing his eyes, Sirius contemplated various ways of suicide when Severus didn't answer. Finally, though, he put a hand on Sirius's shoulder and said, "Actually, this works out well, because I've been attracted to you for about the same amount of time. Kiss me?"   
  
Sirius did.   
  
~~  
  
"What are you going to tell James and Remus and Peter?" Severus whispered later that night, after (FINALLY) getting some work done. He and Sirius were packing up their stuff, getting ready to leave the Muggle Studies room and go back to their dormitories.  
  
"I'll tell Remus. . . and maybe James. . . I don't think Peter's quite ready for this," Sirius replied. "And. . . you?"  
  
"I'm not going to tell Lucius."  
  
"Well, what about everyone else?"  
  
"Sirius. Think through this. Other than you and your gang-clan-thing, I have ONE friend. You picked the single most antisocial git on the planet to kiss. I don't even know why you did it."  
  
"You kissed me," Sirius reminded softly. "But if you hadn't, I would have kissed you, because I don't think you're an antisocial git."  
  
"You can't DENY it!"  
  
"I can't deny that you're antisocial, true. But I think you're the nicest, prettiest antisocial person I've ever met, and I don't think you're a git."  
  
Severus smiled.  
  
"And I wouldn't kiss you if I didn't like you. You know, I have this reputation for being a pimp-"  
  
"Don't ever say that again."  
  
"What? Pimp?"  
  
"Yes. It's crude and it's tasteless and I don't ever want you to say it again."  
  
"Okay." Sirius laughed and acquiesced. "Anyway, I have a reputation for being. . . promiscuous," he continued, choosing his words carefully and looking at Severus, eyes twinkling. "But you know, I wouldn't ever do anything to hurt you. You've got too much hurt already. Sometimes I think that's all you have."  
  
"What, hurt?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Oh, that's not all I've got. I could learn to care about you a lot, you know."  
  
Sirius smiled and, completely unable to withstand the urge, clapped Severus on the back and pulled him into a ferocious hug.  
  
"Uh, providing you don't choke me to death first."  
  
"Oh. Right."  
  
~~  
  
"Well WE'RE back late," James observed dryly, eyeing Sirius. He sat up in his bed and looked over at Remus, who also sat up. Peter appeared to have fallen asleep. "I don't think you know what time it is, do you?"  
  
"I have no idea," Sirius replied, practically dancing into the room. "To tell you the honest to God truth, I don't CARE."  
  
"It is exactly 11:48 and thirty-eight seconds," Remus remarked, "and that is about two hours later than it SHOULD be when you come traipsing in here."  
  
Sirius shrugged, smiled, and headed into the bathroom.  
  
"What's gotten into him?" Remus wondered aloud as Sirius shut the door.  
  
"I dunno, but I'm going to find out," James announced, and threw the door open.  
  
"Hey, Moony, if that's you, I don't TRAIPSE, thank you very much," a shirtless Sirius called. His back was to the door, and he spun around to further validate his point. "Oh, hi James," he said unnecessarily, waving at his friend. "Fancy meeting you here."  
  
"Right," James replied, grinning widely. Way too widely. "Tell me, darling Padfoot, what were you doing for four hours tonight? Or rather, who?"  
  
Sirius turned around so his back was facing James again. "I wasn't DOING anyone. That's crude, Jamie."  
  
"Sorry. I'm not kidding, though. What were you up to?"  
  
"I was studying with Severus."  
  
James threw his hands up. "N.E.W.T.s are five months away! The Christmas holidays are coming up! Don't feed me that line! I'm not stupid! Was it a girl?"  
  
"No! It was not a girl!"  
  
James grinned and put his hands on his hips. "Okay, fine," he said teasingly, "if you don't want to tell me, I won't press."  
  
"It wasn't a girl!" Sirius shrieked in frustration. "Moony!" he yelled. "Get in here!"  
  
The disheveled blonde shuffled into the room.  
  
"Uh, Moony, I know this is off topic, but. . . those are NOT bunny slippers. . .?"  
  
"And if they are?" he shot back defensively. "They're WARM."  
  
Sirius shrugged. "Whatever cooks your noodle, man," he replied, looking up. "Listen, I have to tell you something."  
  
"What?" Remus asked, looking quite confused as he glanced from James to Sirius in turn.  
  
"Sit," Sirius said to James. "I don't know if you want to be standing when I tell you this."  
  
"Oh, it's THAT kind of news," James grumbled warily under his breath, and sat cross-legged on the bathroom floor. Remus sat on the edge of the bathtub. Both looked expectantly up at Sirius.  
  
"Okay, so today I was gone a long time. . ."  
  
"You THINK?" Remus exclaimed, but James shushed him.  
  
". . . Anyway, Severus and I made cookies."  
  
James nodded with understanding. "And you ate them all. It's okay," he said forgivingly, "I'll just buy some at my next Hogsmeade visit. No big deal."  
  
Sirius stared. "Um, no," he replied carefully. "We weren't going to save any fore you anyway. . ."  
  
James's face fell.  
  
"Anyway. . . so we made cookies, and then we were doing homework, and then. . . andthenweremakgout."  
  
"Uh, what?"  
  
"Weweremakingout."  
  
Remus shook his head. "Do you have to, like, write it down or something?"  
  
"He kissed me!" Sirius screamed. "And I kissed right back, dammit!"  
  
End of Chapter 9 


	10. moonlight becomes you

Chapter 10  
  
"You kissed?" James repeated dully.  
  
Sirius nodded.  
  
"Well no DUH they kissed," Remus exclaimed, rolling his eyes. "Peter!" he called into the other room. "They kissed!"  
  
"FINALLY," Peter grunted from the other side of the door. "I was beginning to worry we'd have to show them how."  
  
James's jaw dropped. "AM I THE ONLY STRAIGHT GUY HERE?!" he demanded angrily.  
  
Remus thought. "You know, that is actually quite possible, James," he replied after a period of deliberation.  
  
Sirius was left gaping. "But- whaaaa . . . how. . . Bowman, you. . . she. . ."  
  
"We did NOT," Remus muttered hotly. "Bowman was. . . an experiment. An unsuccessful one," he added as an afterthought.  
  
"So what, I'm standing in a bathroom full of gay men?" Sirius asked uncertainly.  
  
"I AM NOT GAY."  
  
"We know, Jamie," Remus said impatiently.  
  
Sirius held his hands up, looking like his head was going to explode. "Stop. Hang on. I'm SO confused."  
  
"I'm gay." Remus pointed to himself. "The shrimp outside the door is gay. You are, apparently, gay. James is painfully straight."  
  
"Why didn't I KNOW that?"  
  
"You thought I was gay?" James asked, putting a comforting hand on Sirius's shoulder. "I'm sorry you had to find out this way. I know I'm hot. . . I think there's a support group you can join."  
  
"What, gay men who can't have James Potter?"  
  
Remus shrugged. "It's likely."  
  
Peter tumbled in. "I hate listening at doors," he commented. "Let me get all this straight: everyone here is gay but James?"  
  
"Correct," Remus affirmed.  
  
"I can't believe I didn't KNOW," Sirius murmured angrily. "Why didn't you TELL me?" he demanded, looking at Remus, whose smile disappeared. "You told HIM! You told them BOTH! But not ME!"  
  
Remus looked almost pained. "I didn't tell Peter," he explained. "Peter asked me out."  
  
Sirius's jaw dropped. "You're going OUT?!" he screeched. "And you didn't TELL ME?"  
  
"Of course we're not going out," Remus replied dismissively. "For one thing, for God's sake, think about that." Sirius winced. "EXACTLY. And then for another, we'd certainly have told you then."  
  
"Okay, so that's Peter. What about James?" Sirius questioned suspiciously.  
  
"He asked me out," James answered, pointing to Remus.  
  
Sirius's jaw dropped.  
  
"I did NOT." Remus rolled his eyes. "What happened was, he walked in on me as I was snogging Kyle Everett. Kinda hard to argue with that kind of evidence." He winked.  
  
"You snogged Kyle Everett?" Sirius repeated incredulously.  
  
"And I am PROUD."  
  
"Bitch," Peter muttered, elbowing Remus.  
  
"Breathe, Pete."  
  
Sirius looked around, completely shocked at everything he was seeing and hearing. "I have to take a break, guys," he murmured, suddenly feeling a headache come on. "I'm gonna take a walk."  
  
"I'll come," James said quickly, getting up.  
  
"You most certainly will not. I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want to see anyone. I just want to be alone so I can think awhile, okay?" Sirius shrugged almost apologetically. "I'm sorry," he added, looking at James, who seemed almost hurt. "I'm sorry. But can't you see how huge this is?"  
  
"Sirius, we didn't mean to hurt you," Remus said softly, touching his shoulder.  
  
"I know," Sirius replied, though in reality he didn't see how anyone could keep such a secret for any other reason. "I just. . . I just have to walk, okay?"  
  
Remus watched him step out of the bathroom, close the dormitory door. He heard steps in the Common Room, directly below them. Then he turned to his other two best friends. "Do you think we did the right thing, guys?" he asked quietly.  
  
"God, I dunno," James muttered. "I mean, tonight sort of defeats the purpose of NOT telling him. . ."  
  
"No shit," Peter commented dryly.  
  
~~  
  
It was cold. November was almost always chilly, but it was rarely blatantly freezing.  
  
//Great. Everything else wasn't bad enough. Now even GOD hates me. Excellent.//  
  
Severus. Now THERE'S a topic. There wasn't any denying that Sirius as attracted to him. But was it guys in general, or just him? Sirius raised a skeptical eyebrow at the thought that the only guy he could possibly be attracted to was Snape. On the one hand, it was bad enough to think that he was gay. On the other, it was worse to think that someone like SNAPE was enough to make him feel like that.  
  
Someone like Snape? his inner voice asked him. What, you mean someone smart, funny, and willing to look past what everyone else thinks you are?  
  
How can this have anything to do with love? Sirius asked himself. Love, he reasoned, is supposed to have flowers, and hearts. It is supposed to be a guy loving a girl. They are supposed to be exactly alike. Everyone is supposed to think they are adorable together. They are supposed to do everything together, and finish each other's sentences. They are supposed to be beautiful in every way.  
  
This is not what I am feeling. However, I think I'd rather be feeling this than all of that.  
  
And then there were his friends. Where the hell did THAT come from? Briefly, Sirius wondered to himself if perhaps they were just pulling an elaborate prank. But, despite their reputations as jokesters, he rejected that possibility for one reason.  
  
When he had left, Remus had looked so sad. So sad. That face was sticking in his memory and wouldn't leave him alone.  
  
Then why didn't he TELL me? he fumed silently, suddenly furious again. Would it have taken so much work? For everyone talking about what great friends we are, it suddenly occurs to me that for all I know, Moony could be a freaking hermaphrodite and I'd never know.  
  
Now THERE'S a frightening thought.  
  
~~  
  
"Hey."  
  
The voice startled Sirius, who jumped almost a foot in the air from where he'd been sitting by the edge of the lake. "Oh my GOD," he gasped, after wheeling around to find Severus. "You scared the hell out of me!"  
  
"Sorry about that," the other boy murmured, coming to sit next to him.  
  
There was quiet for the next few minutes before Severus broke it. He picked up a smooth, flat stone and skipped it across the lake.  
  
"Now there's talent," Sirius remarked sarcastically, but he smiled warmly.  
  
"Oh, it's an indubitable life skill," Severus replied, grinning back. He studied Sirius's face. "What are you thinking?"  
  
"Is this my thoughtful face?"  
  
"Either that or you're just looking particularly empty-headed tonight; I figured I'd give you the benefit of the doubt." Severus shivered and drew his legs around himself. "I'm serious. What are you thinking?"  
  
"Well, I'm seriously considering running away to America to join the circus." Siriu smiled wanly. "Wanna come?"  
  
"Because I'm funny as hell. Right."  
  
"I don't think you give yourself enough credit."  
  
"Or maybe you give me too much. What's wrong?"  
  
Sirius sighed. "Two of my friends are gay. Who are they?"  
  
"Remus and Peter," Severus answered instantly.  
  
Sirius's jaw dropped and he put his head in his hands. "Why does everyone know but me?" he asked pathetically.  
  
"Because you have terrible gaydar."  
  
"Gaydar?"  
  
"The ability to tell whether someone is gay."  
  
Sirius sighed. "That hurt, Sev." He buried his head in Severus's chest. "I am a terrible, terrible person, aren't I?"  
  
"What in the WORLD would make you say something like that?"  
  
"No one respects me. I'm from a low-life family, and I don't have any class."  
  
Severus's comforting arm found its way around Sirius's shoulders. "See this stone?" he asked, holding up a shiny, smooth, round stone.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"This is you." Severus held up another one. "This," he said, holding up a rough, jagged pebble, "is, say, Malfoy." He skipped the stone. "The lake is society. You're in it just long enough to get to where you want to be, and the rest of the time you're up in the clouds." The stone sunk, and he threw the other one in. "This one doesn't skip. It just goes straight to society and then it sinks."  
  
Sirius looked up, confused.  
  
"By the time you die," Severus explained, pointing to the end of the lake, "so many people will have loved you that you will have made a profound difference in the world around you. By the time Malfoy dies," he added, pointing to the spot the pebble had sunk, "few people will have known him as a person, and fewer still will have loved him. He will die quietly, most likely alone. But he was a respected person in life."  
  
"You, my friend, are terrible with metaphors." Sirius smiled. "Are you like this all the time, or is this just moonlight-inspired idiocy?"  
  
"Shut up. I'm trying to tell you that I respect you. That I care about you. That all the people that MATTER respect you and care for you."  
  
"Even Remus and Jamie and Peter?"  
  
"Oh, especially Remus and Jamie and Peter."  
  
Sirius smiled a little. "And you?"  
  
"Jumbo especially me."  
  
"Well, I jumbo triple respect YOU and care about YOU."  
  
"I'm done being sappy," Severus murmured, stretching and laughing. "I haven't been kissed in HOURS and it'd certainly hit the spot right about now."  
  
Sirius laughed, for this first time in what seemed like a million years. "Well, we can't have you unhappy," he whispered, and crawled over to kiss him softly on the lips.  
  
"So glad you agree!"  
  
End of Chapter 10  
  
Well I must admit that Remus and Peter being gay was something I hadn't planned on at all. . . it was just the way Peter yelled "I was afraid we'd have to show them how!" that made me feel like experimenting. . . I am SUCH a geek.  
  
Here's the deal, guys: after I'm done with this story, I'm thinking of writing a Harry/Draco fic. Would that be good, do you think? Something you'd read? Let me know!  
  
Review! Please?? 


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